


Grasping

by Absolute_Fool



Series: Two Old Friends, and Another. [2]
Category: Merrily We Roll Along - Sondheim/Furth
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Childhood Trauma, Divorce, Drama, Drug Use, Friendship, Memories, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Original Character(s), Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-12 12:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19946407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Absolute_Fool/pseuds/Absolute_Fool
Summary: After a long absence, Charley returns back to his friends better than ever. Meanwhile, Mary could use some help from some friends.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Charley's not the only one who can get the spotlight on him! Stan Mary Flynn or perish.

8 months was a very long time. 244 days, 32 weeks. It seemed like an endless time when it was happening, but once it was over with, it seemed like so little had passed.   
Charley'd been gone for 8 months. And now he was back. And it didn't feel like he had been gone for that long.

Mary'd known that he was okay from 3 weeks in, when she got a call from one of the Kringas brothers to say He's been found. He's alive, he's staying up with my brother in Massachusetts.. Mary had sakd that she didn't care. It wasn't her business, they weren't friends anymore. But she did call Frank, who'd just gotten himself a huge expensive apartment in the city, and tell him in vague terms only that Charley was fine.

Charley'd sent her letters, the first being a large large apology, begging for her forgiveness. It was heartfelt. Mary kept it. It contained two more letters, one to Frank which she hadn't brought to him, and another to herself. All it said was "Mary, I am finally good." She did not respond to any of them.

Mary was angry at Charley still, though time had dulled the rage and she felt more.. alone. Frank was sad constantly, with the divorce and whatever other things were bothering him, and Mary hated not getting a weekly call from Charley where he excitedly told her about some mundane thing that impressed him to no end. And she missed going out with him and Evelyn and mentally noting which of her two oldest friends looked more dull that day. It was boring. She did her work, she drank her liquor, she hung out with Frank, she drank more liquor.

Mary was more than aware that drinking had been a problem with her for a while now. It was just a matter of finding the will to stop. She wasn't married. She didn't have kids. She didn't have any real reason to stop drinking. And if it killed her? Well there was no reason it shouldn't.

\--

Frank hadn't believed it when Mary called to say that she and Charley would be stopping by. Frank was aware that Charley was alright, and that Mary knew where he was. But, his brother had taken his things from his apartment and Mary hadn't said much more than that he was alive, so Frank had gone through the stages of grief, expecting him not to be coming back.

Yet, there he was at the door. Charley Kringas, bright eyed and younger looking, despite his significantly greyer hair, dressed a little nicer than he'd been in least 15 years. A bag was pulled over his shoulder. He looked revived.   
It wasn't all good though, his ankle was in an odd little brace and there was a definite shakiness to him.

"Charley!" Frank said, leaning down and stepped forward to hug him.

It felt good to be touched for a while. The hug probably lasted too long. Charley nudged Frank away and Frank cleared his throat, stepping back.

"Where the hell have you been?"

He laughed, tapping his foot, "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"I want to know it all." Frank said, gesturing for them to come in.

As Frank let him in, Mary stayed in the doorway, arms folded, then she sighed and turned and left before Frank could stop her.

"What's wrong with her?" Frank said, closing the door.

"She's still angry at me." Charley said

"For leaving?" Frank said.

"No-" Charley said.

"I think it's more than your right to leave if you think you needed it." Frank said, "Yeah it would've been cool if you.. told us. And didn't just go to Chicago and then disappear-"

"she's upset about something else. " Charley said, taking a seat, bouncing his leg, "Nice place."

"It's great isnt it?" Frank said.

He shook his head, "Its ugly. What's up with all the modernism?" He laughed, "I'm joking, I'm joking."

Frank nodded, crossing the room and taking a seat next to him, "What happened to your leg?"

"Pilon fracture." Charley said, "I fell. I'm not supposed to be walking on it but crutches are weird."

"Oh. " Frank said, "So, tell me, Charley, what happened?"

Charley adjusted in his seat then stood up, pacing in a circle, "Well I DID go to Chicago and stuff happened there that led me to decide to come back to New York. And I did come back to New York and I got home, and I realized.. no. No. I can't do this anymore. And so I went out again and next thing you know, I'm up in cape cod with my brother and my nieces and nephews and- you won't believe this. Remember my eldest niece? We took care of her a few times as teenagers? Well she's 34 and her eldest, my grand-nephew, is 12. And her youngest is 2. That little child has children of her own. It's SO ODD. It's so strange-- but I digress-."

He stopped and looked right at Frank, "no- wait, so and Lorry's youngest is 17, and she's gotten into Yale. It's so weird. So I spent the past few months up there. And you know, you know how lorry is, he's a little crazy like me, and we don't really get along, but when I need him, he's there. And so I stayed with him and his wife and helped out around the house and helped with the grand-nieces and nephews and so on and so on. I like kids, you know that. Helping out gives me purpose.

He began to pace again, "And I saw a few dozen doctors and shrinks while I was down there too. Lorry said I could stay there as long as I listened to them and- I'm on like 6 different pills right now, isn't that strange?- and on Monday, I sat Lorry down and told him I had to come back because I missed you and Mary and my own kids and.. I lost my train of thought..." He tapped his foot. "Ah. Wait." He sat back down and opened his bag, digging through it.

"where are you staying?" Frank said.

Charley pulled a notebook out and placed it on Frank's lap, then continued to dig, "With Danny until I can sort everything out. Psychiatrist recommended that I don't live alone- Isn't that funny? It's like I'm a child." He took out a little hand made keychain and handed it to Frank, "My 7 year old grand niece made so many of these. I'm supposed to give them as gifts."

Frank chuckled, "And the notebook? That's mine too?"

"Yup." Charley said, "I was going to send those to you individually but I didn't know where you were living. Notes from hitchhiking. You know. "

"You hitchhiked?" Frank said, "Why?"

"Because I thought it was a key to being good- Frank.. I am really happy. I haven't touched a typewriter in 8 months and I am.. happy. I'm doing really good." Charley said. "I'm great."

"That's good, Charley." Frank said.

"It is." Charley said, "It really is. "

"So, how long do you think you'll be staying with Danny? That's pretty far." Frank said, "From your kids I mean."

"once I find someone to live with, I'm getting out of there as soon as I can." Charley laughed, "He willingly took in all my plants and all my stuff is in boxes against the wall, because Danny went into and moved me out while I was gone-- my brothers are.. too nice to me-- and so the space is cramped and I'm sleeping on the sofa."

Frank nodded, putting an arm around him, "I've got a spare bedroom, Charley."

"I doubt I could afford half your rent." Charley said, laughing.

"Who else do you have? If Mary's not good with you right now, then I'm all that's left right? It'll be like college again. 2 bachelors. "

Charley's face dulled, ".. How's the divorce going? I saw your face on the cover of a tabloid at a grocery store last week. My niece asked me why I was staring at it and I simply said that Uncle Charley knows a lot of folks.. "

"I fly off to California every few weeks to argue about it to Gussie. We're not getting anywhere." Frank said, "It's lonely. I hate divorces."

Charley hugged him close, "I'm sorry Frank. I wish I could've been here more for you."

"See? that's another reason for it." Frank said, "I hate being alone during this."

Charley sighed, "Oh, Frank."

"Please." Frank said, "For both of us?"

"Fine." Charley said.

Frank put a hand on Charley's chest ans and pushed him down a bit, bringing his other hand to Charley's waist, "So did you do any sailing out in cape cod?"

"A bit." Charley said, "I've gotten out of habit with it. Lorry wanted to the moment I could put any weight whatsoever on my leg, and so the first time we went out on his tiny little boat- no, pardon me, the boat I half paid for back in '72- I was just adjusting to a medication I'm on which made the seasickness 10 times worse, so that was an experience. Sailing is wonderful, just not when you have to close your eyes the whole time because everything's spinning-"

He stopped, made direct eye contact with Frank and said, "Would you let go of me? You're still married, Frank. Until it's all official, I'm not playing along. I'm not the Gussie to Gussie's Beth."


	2. Morbid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary gets together with her friends.

Mary poured herself her second drink and sat down. Frank, who was halfway through his first, looked up and met her eyes as she did. It was uncomfortable. He was judging.

"You've had quite a few of those today." Frank said.

"So I have." Mary said, taking a swig, "What's up with you?"

"Nothing much." Frank said, "And you?"

"Less than you." Mary said, "For sure."

Frank shrugged, "I don't know about that. You must do something."

"I drink and I run a critic's column." Mary said, "In that order."

Frank frowned, "See any good shows lately? I'm not staying caught up on what's happening-"

"You can read the column for that." Mary said.

"Thanks, Mary." Frank said, "I will do."

Mary took another swig, "Where's Salinger?"

Frank looked at her, furrowing his brow, "What?"

"He's stopped wr-" Mary said, "Nevermind- I mean Charley. Where's Charley?"

"He didn't want to come." Frank said, "Oh, Mary, I love him to pieces but when I let him move him I let him take the plants with him. It's ruined the decor."

"It was already ruined." Mary finished off her drink, "Why didn't he want to come?"

"I don't know." Frank said.

Mary sighed, "Probably for the best- do you want another one?"

"No." Frank said, "I'm on a flight early tommorow, don't want to be hungover."

"Oh, I love flying hungover." Mary said, pouring herself another, "Nothing adds to the experience more than high altitudes."

Frank laughed, "Thanks for inviting me over- maybe calm down with the liquor? It's more fun to talk to you when-"

"I'll drink it slowly." Mary said, "Besides, Evelyn's coming over to join us. You can talk with her."

Frank grumbled, finishing his drink, "Wonderful."

"She's nice when you don't annoy her." Mary said, standing up and taking down a wine glass, "She also doesn't drink liquor."

"Do you keep wine around just for Evelyn or do you occasionally change things up?" Frank said.

"Just for Evelyn." Mary said.

"Of course." Frank said, "Do you need some help cleaning this place up?"

"If it bothers you that it's a mess, then yes." Mary said, "Otherwise, no one else comes over, so no."

He stretched up, "You could sleep on our couch."

"Why would I ever want to do that?" Mary said.

"You're having a hard time, aren't you?" Frank said. "Might as well have a hard time around friends."

"That's.. possibly the worst idea on earth." Mary said, "I like my crummy little apartment."

"We could move the table to the kitchen and you could have the dining room- we'd just have to put a curtain up in the archway." Frank said.

"No." Mary said.

She heard the door open and out of the corner of her eye, saw Evelyn enter into the apartment.

"It'll be good for you." Frank said.

"What'll be good for her?" Evelyn said.

Frank practically jumped, letting out a slight gasp. Mary tried not to laugh.

"Hi, Eva."

"Hi, toots." Evelyn said, pulling a chair up, "Mr. Shepard. I didn't mean to scare you."

Frank looked at her, "I.. don't remember your maiden name."

"Just call me ma'am." Evelyn laughed, "So what are we talking about?"

"Frank's being himself." Mary said.

"I sure am." Frank said.

Mary found the red wine and poured Evelyn a glass, handing it to her, "Frank's being an asshole."

"Inherently him." Evelyn said, "So Mary, Mr. Shepard, are we all here just to talk or is there something going on that I don't know about?"

"Just talk." Mary said.

"You should get a pet." Frank said.

"That's an idea." Evelyn said.

"If I live alone with just a pet that's sad." Mary said.

"More sad than you already are?" Evelyn said.

"you know what you really need?" Frank said, "A husband."

Evelyn widened her eyes, taking a sip and clenching her fist. Mary gestured with her hand to tell her not to say anything.

"Well, unless you're offering, then I don't see why you bring that up?" Mary said.

"Well, you're a funny girl. " Frank said, "If you put a little effort, you'd get hitched sooner than you know."

Evelyn let out a sigh, "you're a jerkass."

"I'm just saying." Frank said.

"If men wanted to marry Mary, then Mary'd be married. " Mary said. "I was engaged for a few weeks in 77. If that didn't go anywhere then nothing will and I don't want it to."

"You were engaged?" Frank said, mouth going agape.

Evelyn rubbed her eyes, "Don't do this to yourself, Toots."

"We got engaged within a six months of meeting and I wasn't willing to elope with him." Mary said, "Real fun night actually, we fought in this very kitchen and then I kicked him out."

"And then we all went out for drinks." Evelyn said.

"Kringas threatened to fight the guy." Mary said, "He probably would've if the guy didn't leave my life completely!" Mary laughed, "I can't even remember his name."

"That's sad." Frank said, "I'm sorry. You- you should've told me-" then he stopped and all color drained from his face, "Oh my god. No, it's a good thing you didn't. Back then I would've been horrible to you about it."

"Talk about growth." Evelyn said.

Frank stood up and within 15 seconds, was out the door and gone. Evelyn laughed and took a sip of her wine, glancing over at Mary.

"What's wrong with him?" Evelyn said.

"I don't know." Mary said, "Evelyn, how'd you feel if I went sober?"

"Shocked." Evelyn said, then she looked up at her, raising her eyebrows, "And proud if you actually went all the way through it this time."

"I'm thinking about it." Mary said.

"Go to a doctor about it." Evelyn said, "Don't die of withdrawal."

"Eh." Mary said, "What's the point?"

Evelyn put a hand over her's, "You'll be happier. You'll feel healthier."

"And what will I be giving up?" Mary said.

"Go to an AA meeting." Evelyn said, "Talk to a doctor- talk to a shrink! Mary, you know I'll be here for you- and you know what? Even I'll admit that Franklin Shepard will be there for you too, and Charles. And.. I don't know what to say. I love you, toots. I'm usually the one who knows this stuff, but I've got no experience with it. I just think you should try it again."

"I'll think about it." Mary said. "Tell me, Divorcee, is Frank right?"

"Frank hates women." Evelyn said.

"Hah- no, I mean, for real. Should I get married?" Mary said, "Is having a husband worth it?"

"I can only vouch for Charley." Evelyn said.

"Was it worth marrying him?"

Evelyn sat back, taking a big swig then she put the glass down and nodded, "Probably. If it was anyone else, it'd be even more worth it, but I'm not gorgeous. I couldn't of been picky at 22 and still gotten married at 22." She chuckled. "It was an unhappy Marriage, but we were both unhappy people."

Mary nodded, "So it wasn't all that bad. Loveless and all."

"I think if we stayed swingers and if didn't have kids... Charley would've been miserable but- " Evelyn said, "We'd either would've divorced within the first five or so years or we'd still be married."

Mary nodded, "Interesting. I don't think Frank's wrong. A husband wouldn't do me any bad."

"He sure the hell could." Evelyn said, "Can't say from personal experience, bit you know just as well as I do that men don't always help their wives get better."

"But Charley did." Mary said.

"Can we stop talking about him?!" Evelyn said, "Jesus, I know he's your friend, but I'm trying to wrap my mind around that relationship and trying to get over it."

Mary nodded, and then said, with a little bit too much anger in her voice, "Can you get out of my apartment?"

Evelyn stood up, without a word, and left. Just like Frank.

The next day, with Frank gone, she stopped by Frank and Charley's apartment. As Charley let her in, she saw that the modernist furniture was now complimented by at least twenty of Charley's plants. Some larger ones by the couch and the door and smaller ones on every surface.

"It's like the worst parts of both of you threw up." Mary said.

"Don't be mean." Charley called, hobbling in the living room, "Danny over-watered a few of them. I'm heartbroken but I'm trying to save them."

Mary hung her coat up and followed him in, "So this is your new thing now?"

"I've been reading even more about plants. At Lorry's, when I couldn't really walk, it's all I did." Charley said, "Real fascinating stuff."

"So playwriting is all over for you?" Mary said.

"Yeah, I think." Charley said, "I'm living comfortably off my success."

"How can you do that?" Mary said.

"You're one t'talk." Charley said, "Unless you're here to tell me you've started a new novel."

"I only need one best seller." Mary said.

"You could have so many more." Charley said, "It drives you crazy, I know, but I've reread it twice this month alone."

Mary shook her head, taking a seat.

"That's not a chair, apparently." Charley said, "it's a sculpture."

Mary stood up, "What- what? Bullshit."

Charley laughed, "And I thought I was weird."

"You're still weirder." Mary said, "Sadly."

Charley leaned up against the sofa, "I don't know what's up with him. He's great but it's.. overbearing. That's not the Frank I know."

"He goes to a group." Mary said.

Charley's eyes widened, "No."

"He does." Mary said.

"That's.. weird. For him." Charley said, "And I know he has a normal shrink too."

"Don't tell him I told you." Mary said.

"I won't." Charley said, "Don't tell you two anything about my messed up head and it'll stay that way."

"how many times a week are you seeing your shrink?" Mary said.

"Mondays and Wednesdays and Fridays" Charley said, "Excessive, I know, but it was what was recommended by the doctors at the hospital."

"And you're so obviously listening to them." Mary said, gesturing to his leg.

"I'm on so much pain killers." Charley said, "I don't even notice I'm putting weight on it." He sat down, "I'm doing it again- I really need to stop."

"What?" Mary said, "I swear, you and Frank have been speaking complete nonsense lately."

"I'm well aware that walking without the crutches will hurt me." Charley said, without a tinge of emotion, "And I'm still doing it."

Mary sat next to him, "Unfortunate, Charley."

Charley stood up and left the room, returning on the crutches and with a journal and pen. He sat down, leaning the crutches against the side of the sofa and scribbled into the journal.

She tried to lean over and see what he was writing but it was completely illegible.

"You're back into journaling?" Mary said.

"Another recommendation." Charley said.

Mary put an arm around his shoulder and hugged him. He stopped writing and looked at her.

"Are we alright?" Charley said, "Because you have to understand, I am _so_ sorry about how I wrote about you. There was a reason it didn't show in how I treated you because-- those letters were vents of emotion and anger and-- Mary, I love you. You're my best friend."

_You're pathetic, Charley._

"I read the letter you sent me." Mary said, "And I do forgive you."

_Not so fast._

Charley returned the hug, "How are you?"

"I'm thinking of getting back into the dating game." Mary said, "Frank said I should get a husband."

Charley nudged her away and turned her toward him, "I think you need to tell Frank how you feel."

"I'm over Frank."

"No one ever gets over Frank." Charley said.

"And do you know this from personal experience?" Mary said.

"Yes." Charley said, Intense.

"Then I'm not stepping on your toes!" Mary said, "Just like I didn't step on Beth's or Gussie's-"

"You won't be stepping on my toes because I'm trying, desperately, to keep Frank at arm's length." Charley said, "I want you to be happy, Mary, after everything you've done for me."

"And what happens when he inevitably rejects me!" Mary said, laughing, "We've been through this before."

"Then at least you'll have closure!" Charley said, "You've never avoided rejection before, Frank shouldn't be any different."

"Others weren't my best friend." Mary said.

"Then no wonder you're not married, Mary!" Charley said. "When he comes back, sit him down, and tell him how you feel. Please."

"I'll think about it." Mary said.

"Don't think about it, just let go and do it." Charley said.

"That's your motto." Mary said.

He let go of her and crossed his arms, "Mary, listen. When I was lying in that dried up river bed in Ohio, when I was certain that I was going to die, when all I could see was the sky and all I could feel was the horrible pain of my leg and that general... Dullness.. and do you know what I was thinking? I was thinking about all the chances I missed. In 40 years, that'll be all of us. Except you won't get pulled out by a farm hand on your death bed and you won't have another chance." Charley said.

"So I gave 40 years to tell him." Mary said.

"You have, theoretically, 40 years. But you could die at anytime. You could get hit by a car or your liver could fail or a whole number of things. It could happen tommorow. You need to tell him as soon as you can. You could end up like me, ready to die out in the middle of Ohio, and instead of getting lucky and dragged out, you just slowly die there, all you'll have is thinking about your regrets. That'll be your last thought. Don't let Frank be one of those regrets."

"You're morbid." Mary said.

"I'm right." Charley said.

She stood up, "Let's go get a drink."

"I can't drink." Charley said, "It'll slow my breathing down and I'll die."

"Well that seems what you're fixated on." Mary said.

He shook his head, taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes, "Mary, go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charley's trying his best. His comfort level when it comes to discussing his issues will always be highest with Mary. She probably has heard more than his psychiatrist. Frank simply doesn't understand. Alternatively, Mary never will ever ever discuss how she feels with anyone. Not in a million years. Nope. Never.


	3. Crutches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank learns some shocking new facts.

When Frank got home, Mary and Charley were sitting talking. He entered in, put his bag down and hung his coat up, swerving through the plants, clearing his throat.

"Hi, Frank." Charley said, looking up at him, eyes bright.

"Afternoon." Frank said, "Good to have you both in the same room together."

Charley looked down at his watch, "Not for long." He stood up, grabbing his crutches, "Late to an appointment. Surgery on it on Monday, I gotta not skip it."

"Oh." Frank said, "Alright."

Charley was gone before Frank could say anymore.

"Good to see him actually using the crutches." Frank said, "Mary."

"Frank." Mary said, "How was the trip?"

"Lots of arguing." Frank said, "I got back the typewriter Charley left in my house. I'm keeping that house, too."

"two weeks of arguing?" Mary said.

Frank sighed. He knew this would eventually come up.

"A few days." Frank said. "I was there on other business too- I'm making my director debut soon. Starting soon."

Mary nodded, "Cool. Bossing people around is perfect for you."

Frank crossed to the kitchen and poured her and him each a drink, "Can you keep a secret from Charley and.. well everyone..." He called.

He went back into the living room and sat next to Mary, handing her a drink before pulling his wallet out

"I can." Mary said. "Unless it's really juicy then I'm going to change careers just to write a column about it."

He handed her his wallet, "Look through it."

She opened it and began thumbing through it, then stopped, "Do you want a new picture of Frankie? Charley and I have some of his graduation."

"The other photos." He bit his lip.

Mary's face went white, "Gussie had-"

Frank shook his head.

Mary went red, angry, "That- THAT GIRL?! That actress- you-"

"No one knows." Frank said, "Except for her, her fiance-- he's her co-star, its all for show--, and me. And you now. She's.. a month old. Murial Shepard Royce. They gave her her fiance's surname, her middle name is for 'recogition of my lovely mentor' She's not even legally my daughter, we know she is but.. I didn't- I wasn't-"

"That poor woman." Mary said. "She's so young."

"Her career isn't over. We told the media that she was gone from the public eye, the moment she started showing, was because she was in the countryside, working on a novel- we got a ghostwriter for that. God, it's so elaborate. And someone is gonna find out and I just want this divorce to be over with when it is. Because when the world finds out, it's all over." Frank said, "You can't tell a soul. And you can't tell Charley, not EVER, because he got really mad that I was having a fling with her, because she's so young, and if he learns about this- isn't she cute? My daughter? It feels weird to say that. I didn't want Frankie and O didn't want her. Love 'em the same."

"Yeah.. you've made a big goddamn mistake." Mary said, "This is gonna be everywhere someday. There's no way you can hide this from Gussie-"

Frank blinked back tears, "I know."

Mary laughed. She started to laugh ajd within a few moments she was struggling to contain herself, laughing like it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard.

"You're such an idiot!" Mary said, "You can't control yourself! What did that girl give you?! Nothing, that's what."

"You're being rude!"

"You got a little actress pregnant out of wedlock- when she had a fiance and you were MARRIED!" Mary said, "And now you're out there, visiting your daughter who legally isn't your daughter. That's really what's gonna make you apparent- Oh, I'm definitely-" she stopped and handed him back his wallet, "she's beautiful, Frank."

"Isn't she?" Frank said, "And I don't even get to be her dad. I don't get to have a second chance at being a good father."

Mary frowned, opened her mouth as if she was going to say something and then didn't.

"I probably wouldn't have succeeded this time around either." Frank said.

Mary's tone changed completely. She went gentle, sympathetic, she rested a hand on Frank's shoulder.

"I don't think you would've." Mary said.

He hugged her, "Thanks, Mary."

"You know why Charley left.." Mary said, "This was a planned thing."

"What?" Frank said.

"But I'm starting to think this is a bad time." Mary said.

"No- no." Frank said, "Whatever it is, tell me, I want to know."

There was something so off about it. How she was sitting, how nervous she looked. It wasn't.. Marylike.

She let out a grunt and lifted a finger to him to tell him to wait, then leaned down, took a swig of her drink and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Mary, what's wrong?" Frank said, "I think there's something wrong- is something wrong?"

"Frank, I am not a woman who likes that soft romantic shit." Mary said, struggling on the words, clenching her jaw and speaking through her teeth, "But I.."  
She stood up, "I'll tell you some other time." She left.

Frank finished her drink and finished his own drink and sat on the sofa for a while. It didn't make sense. You're such a bad person, Frank.

It was 5:30 by the time Charley got back, looking exhausted. Frank was still on the sofa, watching the news, when Charley got into the living room.

"Reagan." Charley said, snorting and pulling a face of disgust.

"Do you think he's worse than Nixon?"

"I'm behind on current events. No comment." Charley said, taking a seat next to him, "You've been drinking?"

"A bit." Frank said, snatching his wallet off the table and putting it back into his pocket, "You look tired."

"It's surprisingly tiring to walk on these things." Charley said, "My arms are so sore."

Frank put an arm around him, "Its all over with Gussie."

"Really?" Charley said.

"We're just arguing about property right now." Frank said, " She's not my wife."

 _I want to be held._  
 _I want to feel loved_.

Frank shifted a bit and pressed his head into Charley's chest, "Life is rotten."

"I'm with you on that." Charley said, putting an arm around him and rubbing his back.

Frank took the opportunity and moved up, pressing his lips into Charley's neck. For a half second, Charley seemed to be enjoying it, digging the tips of his fingers into Frank's back, melting. Then he tensed up and Charley shoved him away, hard. Frank had to catch himself from falling off the couch.

"Frank!" Charley said, "We've been over this. I find you attractive, you find me attractive, but you are-"

"Gussie's over with! I just told you." Frank said. There was a bit of silence.

"I know Gussie's-" he stopped and within seconds Charley was in tears, "Mary tells you how she feels and you still think it's acceptable to come onto me. I won't do that to her, Frank. She's my best friend."

"What are you talking about?" Frank said.

"Oh." All color drained from his face then he, a lot like Mary, went angry, "Oh! so she didn't tell you- I will. If she won't tell you, I will. She's in love with you, you stupid son of a bitch, she's in love with you! She always has been and I've never ever gone ahead and told you because I'm selfish and now, now I have to because she never will and you deserve to know!" He stood up, not grabbing his crutches, and limped back to his room.

Frank, not entirely sure what had happened, went to the kitchen to get himself another drink. When he returned, Charley was getting his coat on, by the door, crutches balanced up against the wall.

"Where are you going?" Frank said.

"I don't know." Charley said.

Frank stepped forward and put a hand on his back, "You know that's not a good idea."

"We gotta stop this. I can't be around you." Charley said, "I can't do this to anyone, especially not Mary."

"Wait. You were serious?" Frank said. " You know this as fact?"

Charley turned and faced him, "Yes, I was serious. Jesus Christ, everyone on earth knows it too, Frank! Everyone! I don't know how you missed the clues. I can't interfere, it's not right."

"Why wouldn't she tell me?!" Frank said, trying to hold back anger.

"I don't know!" Charley said, "And why wouldn't I tell you for her, 15 goddamn years ago? Because I'm not a good friend, Frank- BUT I want to be. And now-" he stopped and sorta just stood there for a second, "You need to talk to her about it. Don't tell her I told you. Just say you guessed."

Frank nodded,"I'll do that. Come on, don't leave. God knows where you'll end up."

Charley let out a little laugh, "I wish I could go for a walk."

"You could go for a limp." Frank said, returning the laugh.

"That's not the reason I can't go for a walk." Charley said.

There was another long pause and Charley took off his coat, hanging it up, "Besides, I'm gonna miss a dose if I go out now."

"Why don't you let me catch you up on current events?" Frank said, "I know you hate being out of the loop."

"That I do." Charley said, chuckling.

"Oh!" Frank said, he stepped away from him and opened his bag, pulling out the typewriter in its case, "I stopped by the Paramount house for this. So you can write again."

Charley smiled, "Thank you. But, I don't think I want to write."

"Well, when you do." Frank said. "I don't mean right now. "

"I mean ever." Charley said, "It was a rotten habit."

Frank placed it down back into the bag, "I thought we were going to write a show. "

Charley shrugged, "I've got some old work of mine still."

"But the lyrics-" Frank said, "I'll needs you for the lyrics."

"All on you." Charley said, "I don't want to be a writer anymore." There was a lot of joy in his voice. Frank felt the exact opposite.

And so they went back to the living room and Frank told Charley all about politics, and they laughed and bickered. But it was odd, Frank was preoccupied with what Charley'd said: "She's in love with you, you stupid son of a bitch, she's in love with you!"  
And how could someone just stop writing so quickly? How could someone just step back and decide that writing wasn't for him anymore? Charley'd been writing since Frank knew him, it was the one thing that Charley'd declare himself good at. It was the one thing that Frank kept coming back for, even after the fighting and the breakdowns and the shoving. Charley's writing was half of Charley.

_And how could Mary be in love with me?_

_That didn't make much sense either._

_Why doesn't anyone ever tell me anything?_

He did not sleep well that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frank is in fact, a stupid bitch who is ruled entirely by his want to feel loved regardless of how others may feel and regardless of whether or not he has to lie to keep it that way.   
>  But he also has trouble reeeeading people.


	4. Elevator

Charley had never liked the hostility of strangers. He had bumped into someone at a corner store and as he picked up the can of canned orange slices they had dropped at the impact he'd said a quick remark about the tendency of gravity to cause more stress than it should and the lady just gave him a puzzled look and walked away and now Charley was on the elevator. He never liked elevators, he usually took the stairs, because they were basically boxes of light going up and down a dark vertical hallway. North and South. Were they still north and south on a vertical plain? But he'd had the final surgery on his leg three days ago and they'd recommended that he'd keep the workload light on it. The crutches were no longer needed though, that was a good thing, but now he was forced to lean on an uncomfortable, heavy cane that made him feel older than he was.

And another thing about the elevators being light boxes is that they hurt Charley's eyes and gave him a headache and he just wanted to get to his floor. There was a woman who lived on the same floor as him and while no one in this building talked to each other she was the wife of a businessman and her and Charley would occasionally exchange smalltalk on the stairs walking down. She'd always comment on how crazy was to be using crutches on staircase. Her name was Ruth or something. He didn't know.   
  
She had made the mistake of having groceries to do because she was now stuck in the light box going up with him with a bag in her hand and she was tucked into one corner and he was tucked into another. The lights had gotten so overwhelming that he had to close his eyes but even then he could still see them through his eyelids so he covered his eyes with his hands and lowered himself to the ground. He wasn't really sure if the tunnel the elevator was in was actually as dark as he presumed. He'd never seen the elevator shaft of this particular elevator. Though once he and the kids and Evelyn were on one of those clear walled elevators and the shaft seemed pretty dark there and the kids had loved it but it made Charley dizzy being up so high. And when he thought about it, he was even higher now he just couldn't tell because he couldn't see the world around him which also made him dizzy. And eventually the neighbor got off the elevator but Charley sure couldn't because he was stuck on the ground and then she stopped and turned and said something to him then he didn't reply and she re-entered the elevator and kneeled by him. And eventually the elevator was going down again and then the elevator was at the lobby, Charley could tell because he had opened his eyes again.  
The neighbor held an arm out and waved over another neighbor to sit in the doorway so the door wouldn't close, probably to keep it from going up and this one Charley didn't recognize. And then the original neighbor came back and said something to the second neighbor and the second neighbor left and the original neighbor sat by Charley as the elevator went back up. Someone else came on and got off when they got a level up at the original neighbor's request and then they were back at their level and Frank and the second neighbor were kneeling by Charley talking to him but he wasn't listening because it was so damn bright and Charley couldn't close his eyes or it'd be rude. And Frank usually looked okay, and he was overdressed for some reason, but he looked not very pleased to be kneeling in an elevator talking to Charley at the moment. The second neighbor turned and left and the original neighbor stood in the doorway like the second neighbor had been doing before. Frank reached out and touched Charley's shoulder and said another thing but it was still too bright to hear it or even listen to it. The second neighbor returned a while later and helped Frank help Charley up then they walked (Pulled? Dragged?) Charley back to him and Frank's apartment. Neighbor, neighbor 2, Frank, and Mary all stood around him as Charley sat in the living room now. Charley just wanted them to turn the light off but he couldn't find the words. Eventually the neighbors left and Charley was still sitting there unable to listen or to see or to think or to do anything but sit there and Mary sat next to him. That was nice. It was less nice when Frank put an arm around him and said something in a condescending voice and Charley just had to close his eyes and hope he'd be able to listen soon. And Frank let go of him. That was nice again. And Charley opened his eyes again and Frank was just watching him, angry, like he was a fish in a tank. Fitting, a fish. Fish swim in water and everything was washed out. It was all so overexposed.

Frank's condescending voice developed into a lot more of a frustrating tone and grabbed Charley's shoulder and said something to him. And Charley could see the following things behind his eyes:

16 or 17. The snow falling as he was held down outside a party. Some older guy, mid 20s, was sitting on his legs to keep him from kicking, a girlfriend of Frank's was sitting on his chest and two of her friends were twisting his arms to keep him from struggling and there was a huge crowd around them. The faces faded had long since faded from memory but he could see their eyes and the girlfriend and the guy on his legs he could see very clearly and the snow, he could see the snow falling too. There was a lamp or something else bright three feet away and Charley had given up fighting it and just stared up at the sky and he tried to focus his eyes on the lamp. It was too bright.

The interview. 73. And Charley had gone too far and he was tired and done and he just kept on talking and talking and nerves were making him feel like all his blood vessels were getting sliced in half individually and he tried to shut up but he just kept talking and talking and the lights above them, just above his eyes, were glaring on his glasses and were bright and round like eyes and they were staring at him and he was trying not to stare back and eventually what he said we all over with and he was out of breath.

He wasn't over any of it. Stuck in the past. And the touch of Frank was only making it worse. It was another layer that made everything louder and more unclear and brighter and he couldn't even push him away. And so he just squeezed his eyes closed and tried to get rid of one layer and he ended up with his hands over his eyes and even though he had a headache he could finally hear again. The sound was all fuzzy, he could hear everything at the same volume. But noise broke through and he heard Frank talk.

"Mary, let's just go!"

That snapped Charley back to reality. He was supposed to be home an hour later, that's why Mary was there and that's why Frank was so angry. Mary and Frank were going out somewhere nice. That's why they were dressed up. Charley'd interuppted.

Mary sighed, pat Charley on the shoulder and left with Frank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you find political unrest or elevators more distressing?


	5. Longevity is Assured! Definitely!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary, Charley, and Frank decide to be kind to one another.

Mary seemed uncomfortable. She kept tugging at her dress, trying pull it down a millimeter whenever it ever seemed to shift in position. The dress seemed too tight and she'd thrown a heavy cardigan over it, that she kept wrapped around her, that she denied to take off, that made her look frumpy. They'd already ordered. Mary'd already finished one drink.

"When's the last time you went out to place like this?" Frank laughed.

"Never." Mary said, eyes catching something in the room.

"Do you.. not like it?" Frank said.

"It's uncomfortable." Mary said, "I'm not used to it." She lifted her hand up to signal for the waiter and Frank grabbed and lowered it.

"I want another drink." Mary said.

"Not tonight, please." Frank said. "One's enough."

She sighed, "Oh, God, what do you have to say to me? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." Frank said, "I like talking to you."

"I don't like going out." Mary said.

Mary kept moving a piece of hair behind her ear. She was nervous.

"No one does." Frank said, "I just want to talk."

Mary crossed her arms, "Alright. Then let's talk then."

"Mary." Frank said, "I know you... Have feelings for me."

"Oh, so Charley told you?" Mary said, glaring.

"I- no, I guessed!"

"Charley told you didn't he?" Mary said.

Frank sighed, "Yeah... "

"What an ass." Mary said.

"I-" Frank stopped, tapping his fingers on the table, "Mary-"

"Just say you're not interested." Mary said.

Her eyes were dark, focused. She didn't seem have to any emotion. Frank shifted, it was uncomfortable.

"What if I am interested?" Frank said.

"you're not." Mary said.

"I could be." Frank said, "We're both two lonely 41 year olds, we both are single, we're both good friends. On paper we could easily date."

"You're not attracted to me. I don't think I'm really that attracted to you at this point." Mary said, looking away again.

"I could become attracted to you." Frank said.

Mary sighed and touched her glass, rubbing her hand on the rim.

"I don't know." Frank said, "I feel nothing more than friendship toward you but I feel bad, Mary, and I'm lonley, Mary. I could use companionship."

Mary opened her mouth to say something and then shook her head.

"You don't know what it's like, to be in the middle of a divorce. It's the worst." Frank said, "I don't have anyone in my life."

"You don't need to be in a relationship, Frank." Mary said, "I'm not in one and I'm doing alright."

"I feel better when I'm in a relationship." Frank said, "Don't you?"

"I don't know." Mary said.

"Let's think about it, how's that?" Frank said.

"Whatever, Frank." Mary said.

"Will you think about it?"

"Yes." Mary said.

Frank felt a bit of excitement, a slight fluttering.  
Ruth saw him as he came up the hall that night, giddy a bit from dropping off Mary though she had simply said "well goodnight, Frank." It felt good. He felt wanted.  
"How's your friend?" She caught him as he got off the elevator, up from the stairs.

"He's fine." Frank said, "Franklin Shepard by the way and the one you met in the elevator is Charles Kringas."

"The playwright?" She said.

"Former." Frank said.

She nodded, "Well alright."

Frank got back to the apartment before any new subject could be brought up. Charley was home, he knew that. It was late. He tapped on Charley's door.

"Charley--"

There was a pause and then Charley said, "Huh?"

"Can I come in, I want to talk."

"Sure." Charley said, clearly half asleep.

Frank pushed the door open and went in. Charley'd never been the cleanest of people out there. Any private space he had became full of papers, half pages of scribbled out writings and notes and whatever, but it was different. He had plants instead. Supplies stacked up in the corners and in the closet, little plants on the windowsill and the desk, that sat in front of it. The desk also had a collection of pill bottles and the typewriter in case pushed up into the corner.  
Charley was curled up in bed, shuffling around looking for his glass. He found them and put them on and then reached over an snatched a sweater that was on the end table, pulling it on.

"Were you sleeping?" Frank said, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Charley said, "What time is it?"

"9:30." Frank said, taking a seat at the desk and facing him.

"Evening?" Charley said.

"Yeah?" Frank said, "I just got back from being with Mary."

"Oh, how'd that go?" Charley said, gesturing to the pills, "Hand me-- no not that one-- that one, yeah."

Frank handed him the bottle, "We're gonna think about it."

"A relationship?" Charley said.

"Yeah." Frank said.

Charley took two pills and then put the bottle onto the nightstand, "Wonderful."

"That's all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say?" Charley said.

"I don't know." Frank said, "You've always had something against my girlfriends."

"Mary's my friend too." Charley said. " I don't have anything against her."

Frank nodded, glancing around the room. He turned to the window and picked up one of the plants, a little pointy thing with white spots on its leaves.

"What's this?" He said.

"Haworthia." Charley said. "Be careful."

Frank nodded, placing it back where it was, "Please.. don't.. freak out in the elevator again."

"I don't plan to." Charley said, "And it wasn't a freak out, I was completely calm."

"You'd pushed yourself into a corner and were mumbling under your breath." Frank said. "With other people around!"

"Oh no, two of our neighbors saw me get a little out of it!" Charley said, "What a nightmare."

"It's embarrassing, Charley." Frank said, through his teeth.

"Not to me." Charley said.

"It's embarrassing for me to have to drag you out of there." Frank said.

"Why does it embarrass you? You're not the one who's apparently doing- being someone embarrassing."

"It's not good to embrace it." Frank said.

"Embrace it? Frank, not tearing myself up over something is not the same as being happy it happened. That's new to me. The world gets all too overwhelming for me, Frank, sometimes I just can't fucking handle it! It happens, it's who I am, I've been in therapy for it for 24 years, Frank."

"And how do you go through 24 years of therapy without it changing one bit?!"

Charley laughed, taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes.

"You really think I am just as bad as I was at 17? 24 years ago, I was horrible. You damn well know that this type of thing happened every day, that I could barely function! That's the first time that's happened in a year." Charley said, he was getting upset. Frank felt bad.

"You know what I mean-"

"Frank, I have spent countless trying to become well-adjusted to my world, and I'm not even there yet. I will never, ever, meet your standards, meet your friends' standards, of what is normal. We've discussed this before, and you never listened to me. I'm back now, and you are being great to me. I'm sorry for embarrassing you but you need to accept that if you want me around, you gotta deal with all of me, not just the Charley you like."

Frank stood up and sat at the edge of the bed, sighing and crossing his arms.  
Charley watched him, eyebrows knit and eyes sharp.

"I like most of Charley. I just wish I could understand the rest."

Frank had spent countless hours convincing Charley over the years that he did, in fact, like him. Days in the early 60s where Charley would ask him upfront ' _you don't.. hate me right?'_ as they worked. he could never figure out why Charley thought that and didn't really want to ask.

Nights spent in the mid 60s, driving home from some event or party, where Charley would go from how he was with the blob, silent and moody and unwilling to start a conversation or give more the most limited about of effort into speaking, into tears within moments of being alone with him. Always asking Frank why he hated him all of the sudden. And Frank didn't hate him. It was cruel and horrible to imply that he did! Charley'd list off reasons, of course, tiny events of the night that led him to get to the point where he was absolutely distraught. They were always odd and irrational observations.  
Frank never did hate him. He was being crazy. Beth was the same way sometimes, and whenever Beth was with them when Charley'd snap she'd usually go completely silent, unwilling to take Frank's side. Though sometimes when they got home, even she'd admit that he was a little too sensitive. _Somethings wrong with that guy, Frank, its weird._ And _Frank would sigh and say you know I'm sorry, I don't why he's been like this lately. Maybe him and Evelyn are fighting, I don't know._ But other times, Beth would get a little annoyed and go _Maybe you should listen to him. He's a whackjob but something you've done has clearly hurt him._

And, he'd never said to Beth, but Charley'd always been that way. He was able to blow the slightest faux pas up to the biggest problem on earth. He seemed to overanalyze anyone's words or movements or body language and use it as fuel to whatever bigger things were upsetting him. Though the bigger things to him always seemed to be so small.

Charley had a pretty good life. He was married, Evelyn was good to him, they never seemed to be struggling with money, his kids were smart and healthy, his family liked him. He had nothing to be so upset about. He always found something.

It never made any sense to Frank, what he had to be so twisted up about. Mary said she understood, and she was usually quite sympathetic, outside of her teasing and occasional Charley don't do this tonight. Maybe that's why they got along so much more.

And it wasn't like Frank liked seeing Charley upset. He just preferred when they fought or yelled then when Frank was forced to watch him get so worked up and distressed. They fought and yelled more, luckily for him.

After the interview, when Charley was gone, Frank would occasionally come across these memories. Usually they'd appear late at night, with Gussie sound asleep next to him, and he'd lie awake in thought. Sometimes he'd get angry, _how dare he act like that?!_ And other times Frank would try to fix the events in his head. _What would you have said when he was crying to keep him from getting so upset? What should you have said during the interview?_  
It didn't help.

"Are you really never writing again?" Frank said.

Charley nodded.

"What happens if I end up falling in love with Mary?" Frank said, "What'll that make you?"

Charley chuckled, "A third wheel?"

Frank scooted up next to Charley, "Probably."

"I'm used to playing that with you." Charley said, "Through countless girlfriends and two wives."

Frank smiled, "Maybe."

Charley yawned and then blinked a few times, "I have a horrible headache. "

"How's your foot?" Frank said.

"It'll be better once I get the stitches out." Charley said, "You know they said I'll probably have arthritis in it for the rest of my life. No more 5 hour walks."

Frank put an arm around him, "Heartbreaking."

"Something like that." Charley said.

"I'll let you go back to sleep." Frank said, kissing his cheek and then letting go of him and getting off the bed, "Sorry to bother you."

"It's fine, Frank." Charley said.

Frank slept alright that night.

\--

The kids loved Mary. She was the cool aunt, the one who'd tell them slightly fabricated stories about their parents wild early 20s. She was the one who'd let them order whatever they wanted when she brought them out. She was the one who got them strange and weird gifts. She was the one who was always there. She was the one who showed to birthday parties and recitals. Or maybe they didn't like her as much as they liked what she did. When Mary stopped by it always meant that their mother would light up, happy to see a friend, and that their father would leave his office past 6 or he'd have a real conversation.

It meant that there'd be less bickering. It meant that there'd be more socializing. More fun. Mary hoped she made their lives more fun. That was something she was good at.

Today though, all the kids were going out to leave when she got there. Shuffling past with a quick, hi Aunt Mary! And then out of the building and gone. Mary didn't mind, she liked see Evelyn alone.

Evelyn had changed around the living room. The sofa was in a new place and any photos with her ex-husband were now replaced with newer images of the kids.

"Evening, dear." Evelyn said as she let her in.

"Evening." Mary said, "Where are the kids off to?"

"It's a friday." Evelyn said, "They're each staying with Different friends."

Mary laughed and hung up her coat, "I went out with Frank the other day."

"Like.. a date?" Evelyn said, "Why?"

"It turned into a date. I thought it was just him trying to please. He throws his money at all his problems." Mary said, "He said he knows I have feelings for him and he's willing to try."

Evelyn's face drained, "Mary, why would you do that yourself?"

"Why not?" Mary said as they crossed through the living room into the kitchen.

"You should be sober before you seek out a relationship." Evelyn said, pouring herself a glass of wine.

"I'm not going to be sober." Mary said, "Probably ever."

"Toots, how'd you already give up?" Evelyn said.

"I don't-"

Evelyn put her hands on Mary's shoulders, "Frank Shepard isn't worth anything."

"This is what I've always wanted." Mary said.

"Is it?" Evelyn said.

"Of course." Mary said.

When Mary got home that evening, Charley was inside her apartment. It wasn't an unheard of occurrence, they always had eachother's keys. But it'd really be probably a year since Charley'd done it, she almost screamed when she saw a person sitting on her sofa.

"Oh- hi." Mary said, "It's you."

"Yeah, sorry to scare you." Charley said, "I think we need to talk."

Mary took her shoes off, "What? Need help hiding a body?"

"Not yet." Charley said.

"Oh? Is Mr. Shepard letting you stay with him rent-free getting on your nerves?" Mary said, crossing over to her chair and sitting down.

"Are you really going to start a relationship with him?" Charley said, tapping his foot and cane in unison.

"Yeah." Mary said, "Does it bother you?"

It clearly did. There was this perfectly on brand singe of rage in his eyes for a few seconds, then he simple smiled.

"No." Charley said, "You should tell him as soon as you can."

"I will." Mary said, "So, Mr. I'm-clearly-angry, how's life?"

"I'm not angry." Charley said, "And life is great. Wonderful even."

He was digging his fingertips into the couch cushion. It was almost funny.

"Alright." Mary said, "Oh.. you can't drink. I just about to offer you a drink."

He grit his teeth, "I wish I could."

"How would you feel if I moved in with you two?" Mary said, "I'm trying to be in a space where I can be sober. "

"I don't Frank would like that." Charley said.

"Frank offered." Mary said.

"Oh." Charley said.

"Jt wouldn't be that weird. Our relationship would be too new for anything uncomfortable to come out of it." Mary said.

"Whatever it takes to help yourself, Mary." Charley said.

"Do you think it would help me?"

He shifted uncomfortable then stood up and limped around her, placing a hand on top her chair and the other ruffling through her hair. It always drove her crazy, so she reached up and tried to mess with his but he was too high up.

"I think we'll all fight." Charley said.

"Will that fighting be worth it in the long run?" Mary said.

"Probably." Charley said. "Mary, I love you. You're my best friend in the world and I don't what to say."

"About what?"

"About Frank!" Charley said, "I brought it upon myself, but I'm jealous."

Mary cackled and stretched a bit more to finally be able to reach a strand of hair, whapping it like a cat to string.

"I should be happy for you and for Frank." Charley said, "But it feels just as wrong as Beth and Gussie and the others."

"Once I'm in this relationship, a lot of problems are gonna be solved." Mary said, "Don't freak out so early. It'll be great."

"You are nothing if not a pessimist." Charley said, rolling his eyes and leaning closer as she attempted to braid what little hair she could reach.

"This is all I have ever wanted." Mary said, "Past 20 years."

"You know I just want what's best for you." Charley said.

"You told me this wouldn't step on your toes." Mary said. "If it's gonna break you to pieces, I will say that I thought about it and it's not dor the best."

"Its not going to!" Charley said, "I swear. I'm just thinking out loud."

"Why don't we invite over Frank, right now? Me and him will toss back some drinks, you can hassle us for being straight or whatever- as if I haven't had a handful of women in my own life and as if those letters you wrote were vague- we can be mean and funny and loving, like we usually are."

"I don't know what usually is." Charley said, limping back to the sofa.

"I'll call- do you know if he's home?"

"He should be."

35 minutes later, the gang was all cramped onto her sofa, laughing and talking and so on. Mary and Frank were a little tipsy. Charley was standing, full weight on his ankle, odd to the side.

"Sit down." Frank called, "Charley."

Mary clapped, "I for one support your radical statement against your own physical and mental health."

"As friends should!" Charley said.

"Are you saying that friends are supposed to just… let you get hurt?" Frank said.

"Yes." Mary and Charley said in unison

"Charley, you know whenever I see you walking on that foot of yours I die a bit." Frank said.

"Oh you think that's bad?" Charley said, "Mary hasn't seen a doctor since '75."

"How are you two alive?" Frank said.

"I'm too attractive to die." Mary said, "Right, Charley?"

"Of course." Charley said.

"Sometimes I feel like you two talk in a code." Frank said. "I have no idea what's going on."

"Charley can't die because he's too morally against it." Mary said.

"I'm trying to get the legislature to pass a law banning death." Charley said.

Frank sorta smiled, "Oh, I get it."

"Oh, I love how you've stayed radical all these years." Mary said.

"And I love how dedicated you are to your cause." Charley said.

Frank grinned.

"It's an obligation for me to be attractive. Ethically." Mary said.

"You're the most ethical person here." Charley said, "I wish I had what you had."

"Gain 50 pounds and cut your hair." Mary said.

"Oh, but I'd have to straighten it first." Charley said, "I wouldn't be able to get that bob just right."

"The bob is the only way people can tell us apart." Mary said.

"We already share clothes." Charley said.

"And a brain." Mary said. "Frank, it's terrible, I can hear all his thoughts."

"I know her deepest darkest secrets." Charley said. "Oh… the amount of men I've seen through her eyes."

Mary almost fell over laughing, "I haven't seen much through his."

"You're mean." Charley chuckled, taking a seat

"Oh but am I wrong?" Mary said.

"How could you be wrong if you share a brain?" Frank said.

"He's got this all figured out." Mary said.

"I think we now have to kill you." Charley said.

"Ohhhh terrible." Mary said, "Poor Frank." She handed Charley her glass, "Get me another drink, my evil twin."

"I think you've had enough." Charley said, "Why am I the evil one?"

"Do it and I'll tell you." Charley sighed, standing up and snatching up the cane, "Fine fine." He left the room.

Mary turned back to Frank, "I've been thinking about it. I think we should try something and-" she glanced away to make sure Charley wasn't in the room, "I want to you take you up on that offer to move in."

His face lit up, "Okay- Okay! Uhm. We'll talk about it. Tommorow, I'll call."

Mary nodded, "Awesome-"

"Mary why is your floor covered in knives?!" Charley called from the kitchen.

"I tried to eliminate a roach!" Mary said.

Frank put his arm around her.

Charley returned with the glass and sat down, "Why were you trying to kill a roach with a bread knife? The only one you needed was a butcher knife."

"You tell me." Mary said, "evil twin."

"Okay, why would I be the evil twin?" Charley said, crossing his legs and shifting sorta away from them.

"You have a vast criminal record?" Mary said.

"When I think of evil, I think of misdemeanors." Charley said, "You've done just as many, you just don't get caught."

"I'm both the good twin and the smart twin." Mary said.

"Clearly." Charley said, "Am I at least the pretty one?"

"Yes." Mary said. She did an impression of Gussie, "Though you'd be prettier if you actually put any effort into yourself, darling."

Charley shook his head, "Oh that's terrible, Mary."

"That was spot on." Frank said. "Scarily so."

"Maybe I share a brain with her too." Mary said.

"Oh no." Charley said, "That means I do too. I can feel the ruthless disrespect on my tip of tongue!"

"Oh how horrible." Mary said, "Frank, you'll need to drive a stake through our hearts."

"No, never." Frank said.

"You must." Charley said, "Save us from ourselves!"

"Do it for us, Franklin." Mary said, "Prove you love us!"

Charley reached over and touched Frank's knee, "Get rid of me first, if you will."

"Oh, but who would fill my apartment up with plants?"

"I'll do it!" Mary said, "And I'll kill them all so you have a reason to get rid of me!"

"If you killed my plants, I'd come back from the dead to smack you." Charley said.

"You'd be slapping yourself." Frank said.

"And?" Charley said, lifting a hand to his own face, "I've done it before and I'll do it again."

"Oh, can I slap you?" Mary said, "Since its the same thing as you slapping yourself."

Charley took off his glasses and leaned toward her, "Go ahead."

"You two are crazy." Frank said.

Mary lifted a hand and slapped him. Not very hard. Charley pulled away after, shaking his head and then narrowing his eyes.

"That all you got?" Charley said.

"I've been taking defense classes." Mary said, "I don't want to hurt you- I mean, myself."

"What a shame." Charley said.

It felt good to laugh with them again. It felt good to have Frank's arm around her shoulder. Or maybe she just enjoyed having human contact after a long period of very little.  
She didn't know.

"I'll slap you, Charley." Frank said.

"When someone who isn't me does it, it's just mean." Charley said.

"People are mean a lot." Mary said. "I feel it whenever he's hit."

Charley nodded, "What can I say? I like it rough. My gardening classes I mean."

Frank snorted, putting his other hand on Mary's thigh.

"So do you have all his knowledge of plants?"

"What knowledge?" Mary said.

"That's true. I don't know what a plant is." Charley said.

"Definitely." Frank said.

"I hate the color green." Charley said.

"So much." Mary said, gesturing to Charley's green sweater.

"I hate it." Charley said.

"Loathe it." Mary said.

Mary reached up and pulled Charley close, putting her other arm around Frank.

"You're weirdos." Frank said.

"I won't deny that." Charley said.

"I love you two." Mary said, "A lot. I'm happy you're both back."

"Yeah." Frank said, smiling and nodding.

Charley didn't say anything but just smiled.

"We're back to where we started." Frank said.

"Almost." Charley said. "We never did hang a plaque."

"Does that building even exist anymore?" Mary said.

"I don't know." Charley said.

"We'll look it up." Frank said, "Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." Charley said, "I love that word."

"I do too." Mary said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Communication is key! So is thinking about whether or not you're ready for a relationship after your last. So is thinking about whether or not you should get in a relationship with a man who's name is Frank.


	6. Nerves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charley sees his shrink.

Charley hated mornings. He'd never been a morning person, but over the years he'd been forced to become one. He dreamed of being able to sleep in for once.   
Since moving in with Frank, he'd been getting up at 5 am. There were a few reasons for this, he liked the peace. But also, showering was hard and painful with his ankle, and he preferred not to get in Frank's way and he liked to talk with his plants, between watering and pruning and moving them, which he knew was odd.  
This particular morning, his hair tied back with a rubber band and still a bit damp, he was kneeled by the fiddle leaf fig that was by the window, turning it around. She was a gorgeous plant, Charley's favorite. Sometimes hed just sit by her and look at her leaves; she had big waxy leaves that were the perfect color. Even Frank had complimented her a few times. She seemed to be only plant of Charley's that Frank liked.

"Morning, Charley." Frank said, looking absolutely terrible as he exited out from his room.

"Hungover?" Charley called, gripping onto the windowsill as he pulled himself up.

"A bit." Frank called, going into the kitchen, "Do you want some coffee? I'm going to make some."

"No thanks. I already had my morning cup of tea." Charley said, leaning up against the wall as pain surged through him. He'd already taken all the medication all he could take.

Charley limped into the kitchen and leaned against the entrance, watching him. As it dripped, Frank took a step back, glancing over.

"You look better than you did yesterday." Frank said.

"You don't." Charley said, stepping over to him and pulling himself up onto the counter.

"Why do you sit on the counter?" Frank said.

"Oh, old habit. The kids getting ready in the morning could be rough, shoving. If you sit the counter, they can't accidentally step on you." Charley said, "Does it bother you?"

"No." Frank said, "You're just strange."

"I know." Charley said.

There was a little bit of silence. Frank sighed and stretched up.

"Mary and I agreed to try it out." Frank said, "she wants to move in."

"Okay." Charley said, looking away.

"I thought you'd be upset." Frank said.

"I am but it's of my own doing so it's best not to engage it." Charley said. "I have a shrink for that."

"Alright, Charley." Frank said.

They sat watching the coffee maker for a while.

"I'll be able to drink again soon." Charley laughed.

"Will you?" Frank said.

"You think not drinking would be a good idea?" Charley said.

"If Mary's going to be living here it might make it easier on her if none of us drink." Frank said.

"Oh. I presumed I'd be moving out." Charley said.

"You're not supposed to be living alone." Frank said.

Charley nodded, "But, I don't want to intrude in your lives."

Charley couldn't figure why, but Frank suddenly got angry, he slammed his hand down on the counter and turned to face Charley. Charley leaned back a bit.

"If you're annoyed with me then tell me, Charley."

"Annoyed?" Charley said, "When have I ever been annoyed? What makes you think I'm annoyed."

"I can tell, you're being all cold." Frank said.

"I'm just concerned." Charley said, "What happens when this relationship falls apart, Frank? To all three of us? As individuals and as friends."

"I don't know." Frank said.

"Maybe I'm just being nervous." Charley said, "I love you both, you know that."

He hopped off the counter, gasping at the pain and then turning and leaving.

"Just, ignore me." Charley said. "I'll get over it. Once I deal with it, I'll work on it."

Today wasn't supposed to be a normal psychiatrist appointment. He had two. Friday's he had his typical. Monday and Wednesday he was in specialized therapy and discussing medication and the other stuff that he hated. He liked talking, going on and on and then getting told what he'd done to cause how he felt and ways to fix it or even when he was back in his old ways and the shrink would try to hide an exsaperated sigh and tell him off and he got berated, it was better than the Monday and Wednesday appointments.   
The specialized therapies were never much good. He'd usually come out the appointments in tears or feeling ill or just generally knowing that he'd have to go home and sit with plants for a few hours, beg the universe to keep Frank occupied, and calm down.

Right now the doctor was all about hypnotherapy and prior to that, for two weeks, they'd been doing something that Charley hadn't even heard of before. Re-opening closed wounds. Charley usually preferred to discuss subjects as they came up, when he'd see something that reminded him of it or when they'd appear out of nowhere, but for those two weeks the doctor had forced anything he could out of Charley.   
Hypnotherapy was more comfortable but after the appointments, he wouldn't be able to get his mind off what they'd discussed, even though they'd tried to find ways to make the rumination positive in the appointments themselves, and it led to him feeling even worse.  
But today, he was too distracted.

_Frank and Mary. They're going to fall apart in a month. I don't want that. Why are you hoping for it then? I'm not hoping for it! It's inevitable, Charley, it's inevitable and you're being a bad friend by not stopping them. And but if you stop them, you're being jealous. Because that's what you aren't, isn't it? Jealous. Mary gets Frank and you get to be alone. You rejected him repeatedly. I didn't want to hurt Mary. But you will eventually._

It was a loop of thoughts, Charley hated it.

"Charley, are you alright?" The doctor said.

_This therapy is way too expensive for what I'm getting out of it, buddy._

"I'm distracted." Charley said. "I haven't been listening."

"Well, let's try to concentrate." He said.

"I am trying to, and it's not working. If I could just magically concentrate, I would!" Charley said. He reeled back, "I didn't realize I was shouting."

The doctor shifted back into his seat, "Why don't we just talk normally. Take a break from the dedicated therapy."

"Alright." Charley said, crossing his legs.

The doctor made eye contact, "How's your ankle? I see you're not using the cane or the crutches."

"It hurts." Charley said, "I forgot to grab it this morning, I was, again, distracted."

"What were you distracted by?"

"My housemate and our mutual best friend are getting into a relationship with one another despite it being a very bad idea for both of them for many reasons and I feel bad if I don't warn them but also if I do because-- I have had an.. on and off thing with my housemate." Charley said, then he laughed, "I even summarized it for you."

"And this is preoccupying you?" He said.

Charley nodded, "They're both... Not well people. Its what makes it so hard to be open and upfront with them. They have their own problems, I don't want to add to it."

"Charley, your struggles are not a burden-"

"I know that, objectively. But that's not how it is in practice. Frank's always had this own problems, he doesn't acknowledge them as such and Mary is an alcoholic, who I enable. Frank's down this road of 'improving himself' and Mary's falling fast and hard and I feel like I shouldn't be distressing Frank by reminding him that he didn't really care about me much throughout our relationship and I don't want to make Mary fall any faster. "

"Have you considered that, perhaps, if your friends are both struggling, that being open with them may help them? You know the power of not feeling alone. Have a conversation."

Charley tapped his foot on the ground, "When I was in California last, almost tenish months ago, my now housemate, downed a handful of librium, watched in dazed state as his wife screamed and cried and left him, and then had a breakdown where he became convinced that his father was going to kill him and my response to that was to drop him off at our mutual friend's apartment ans then go off to try to... Get back at his father. "

"What'd you see as getting back at him?"

"I was gonna.. I don't know... He used to beat Frank to mush. We used to make up excuses to my parents for why Frank needed to stay the night so he wouldn't have to go home, and eventually it became the norm that he'd be staying there 3 or 4 days a week. And he tried to hit me with his car once, and once I -- I was a stupid 18 year old-- I got real mad at him and stomped in after Frank came out all bruised, and he beat the shit out of me. And once when we were living together, before I was married, he found out where we were living and came in to confront Frank for not talking to him, but he wasn't home so I just stood up against the door as he banged on it till the neighbors called the police.  
I hate him, I fucking despise him. And so I wanted to get back at him. I thought, he's finally as weak, with age, as Frank was when he was kid, and I'm tired of having to think about him. And I got in there and he held a gun to me. And now, I can't stop thinking about him. Did I fail? Should I have tried again? I only made it worse for myself. And it all hit me, as I was in Ohio, that I had left my unwell friend without any support. I don't deserve to concern him because I am not there for him and if he opens up to me, I lose all sense and go try to beat the shit out of his dad and end up just telling the bastard he's dead."

"Charley, the only way you can prevent yourself from flying off the handle and doing things that are too much, is if you are open to those around you and let them help you. You cannot control every emotion of yours, when they're so intense for you, by bottling them up. Even with therapy and medication to help you, you still need to let others care about you. If you and- Frank, is that his name?- if you and Frank sit down and discuss what you both feeling and what each other's actions make you feel and what's on your minds, and you bring it up to him when you're feeling these urges to do something that you know isn't good for you, and you make him feel comfortable enough to bring up whatever is bothering him, you will feel safer and more comfortable. If your emotions were really such a burden, then he probably wouldn't be around someone who struggles to control them."

_That day is inevitable. He only stuck around because I could write and that I'd make him feel wanted. There's nothing more. And if I'm not writing and he's got someone else to make him feel wanting, he won't have to deal with me anymore._   
_Why do you care? Why do I even give a shit if he leaves?_

Charley nodded, "Is this supposed to be a formal thing or do I just, sit with him on the sofa and say, 'hiya Frank, here's what's bothering me, what's bothering you'?"

"What do you think he'll prefer?"

"The latter." Charley said. "Should I prepare flashcards?"

He chuckled, "Just talk, like friends. Make sure he's up for it, of course. Don't just lay everything on him."

"Alright." Charley said, "Sorry to interrupt hypnotherapy by turning it into classical ol' talk therapy."

"Is the hypnotherapy helping you?"

"It's- I've been having trouble applying anything we've discussed to the real world. I'm more nervous. It's only making me feel more nervous. And i know, it is so early on and I have to be paitent. But honestly, I just don't think it's for me."

As Charley got up out of the stairwell later that day, he passed the elevator just for his agent to step out.

"Jonathan." Charley said, "Coming to see me or do you have a mistress living in this building?"

"Is there really much a difference, Charley-boy?" He said, "You've been ignoring my calls. "

Charley nodded, "Yes, see, uhh... We have this thing called an answering machine, I don't really know how to work it in all honesty, but whenever you leave messages, I delete them."

"On accident?" He said as they got to the door

"No, on purpose." Charley said, "if I needed to see my agent, I would call him, not the other way."

They entered in and Charley took his coat from him.

"You had your break." He said, "But I know you must be hiding something new from me."

"Oh, no." Charley said, "I've stopped writing all together. Don't think I ever will again."

"Very funny, Mr. Kringas." He said.

"Oh I'm serious. Speaking of, I know the publisher has probably been waiting for one of my new plays to get produced so they can publish the script, but no. No more. They can do reprints and do the collections, but no more new Kringas plays. I'm over it."

They got to the living room, where Charley sat down and his agent, stood stunned.

"You're.. serious? Buddy, you're at the height of your fame. You were able to survive it all with barely any press coming after you- THROUGH A DIVORCE without a single run-in with the papprazzi, your criminal record, you don't have a publicist! You are doing fantastic, you can't just stop here."

"I don't want to write anymore." Charley said, "How many plays have I written over the years? Counting the one acts and shorts?"

"792." He said.

"And how many of those have had widespread publications?"

"35." He said.

"And how many of those have been produced?"

"550."

"And how many of those are still getting productions?"

"200."

"I have written more than I will ever need. More than anyone would ever need." Charley said, "Jesus, the two acts and the musicals alone make the majority of my royalties, I could sell the rights to everything else if I so wanted. And either way, I don't want to write anymore."

"Charley-"

"And don't worry, I'll still going to keep paying you. You've served me for too many years for me to just get rid of you." Charley said, "But I'm not giving you anymore new work."

He just shook his head, "Back on this again?"

"I've never stopped writing before!" Charley said.

"But you did only write experimental existentialism for a year and the 'anti-theatre' phase and the 'only writing backwards' phase, among others. This is just like that, isn't it?"

"No." Charley said. "I just… lost all interest in it." Charley gestured around the room at the plants, "This is what I'm into."

"Why don't you write a play about plants then?"

"I'm not interested in writing about plants, I'm interested in the plants. See that big tree over by the window? Her name is Molly. And the other tree by the door? Jamie. These are the characters I write now, and I tend them and garden them and I don't need to show anyone but those who come into this apartment these stories. And they're self demonstrative."

He sorta laughed and looked around the room at the plants, "You are the type of client who keeps me in this work, Charley, so bizarre."

Charley chuckled, "I swear."

"We'll see how you feel in 4 months about that." He took a seat across from him, "Charley, Charley, Charley."

"What?" Charley said.

"You're a mysterious man."

"Hardly." Charley said, "I swear, I'm a lot more normal than I look."

"How do I talk you into writing again?" He said, "As a friend, not as your agent."

Jonathan had never called himself Charley's friend.

"Well, if we're being friends.." Charley said, "Why don't we go out to dinner? You can try to convince me, you'll fail."

"Now?" He said.

"it's a bit early, but yes, if you've got nothing else to do."

"I clear my whole schedule when it comes to working with you." He said, "You're a hard-ass, so I usually spend a whole day bickering with you."

"I'm also your star client." Charley said.

"That's why you're allowed to be a star client."

"Why don't we go?" Charley said, "I'll buy."

He nodded and the two headed to the door. Frank-- and Mary-- were just getting in.

"Mary Flynn." Jonathan said, "It's opposite day, this one's stopped writing, so I must presume you have a manuscript for me?"

"Keep dreaming." Mary said.

He looked up at Frank, the two nodded at eachother without speaking and Charley followed Jonathan into the hallway, not greeting the others.

\--

Frank's eyes widened as Charley's agent and Charley push past them and out into the hall, closing the door.

"Who's that?" Frank said.

"Charley's agent." Mary said, "And mine, technically."

Frank nodded, "Oh- Oh, yes- he's been leaving messages, Charley keeps deleting them."

"Sounds like him." Mary said, "So, are we gonna get this over with or not?"

"I guess." Frank said. "Give me a bit, I've been out all day at meetings, I need to steady myself."

"Alright with me. " Mary said then she groaned, "This is all so awkward Frank, I feel like a 17 year olds who's parents left 'em alone for a weekend. Why don't we just relax?"

Frank nodded, crossing into the living room, "Am I going at this too fast?"

"I get you're all horned up but if we just wanted a casual thing, it's one thing." Mary said, "And Frank, I do love ya.. you're very nice looking, I think about everyone has told you that, but I do love you, that isn't just me being friendly."

"Mary, I haven't really… dated since I was 21." Frank laughed, "And that was Beth and then everything after that was just a fling or Gussie."

"I can tell." Mary said.

"I'll let it come naturally..Why don't we just eat dinner and argue about politics?"

"That sounds good to me." Mary said

The two sat in the dining room. Frank couldn't cook. He'd burnt the meat, she couldn't tell if it was beef or pork, and the canned green beans were mush. But she ate it anyways, to be nice. The dining room had received it's modern art on the walls and there were flowers, in a pot not a case, in the middle of the table. Frank was tapping his fingers on the table between bites the rhythm was soothing.

"So when are you going out to California next?" Mary said.

"The last time should be late April." Frank said, "Might bring you and Charley with me... Then I'm gonna have to make up elaborate lies to go there to see Murial."

"Say that I just really loved it there." Mary said, taking a bite and trying to swallow it without gagging, "I wanna meet your daughter."

Frank bit his lip, "I should tell Frankie, shouldn't I? I have a half-sister on my mom's side, I didn't know she existed till she was a few months old, and I was really angry."

"You have a half-sister?"

"yeah." Frank said, "Haven't seen her since I was 17. She calls me occasionally, asks me how I'm doing. She's only like 23 now. We have nothing in common."

"You could say you're visiting her-- when you leave to see your daughter." Mary said.

"She lives in Minneapolis, that's quite a ways away from LA." Frank said, "But thanks."

"Say you're bringing her out to California." Mary said. "Tryin' to be a good big brother."

"That's smart." Frank said.

"I'm very smart." Mary said, "Years of lying to my family. They thought I was married to Charley for good 5 years."

Frank laughed, finishing his food and standing up, she handed him her plate and followed him into the kitchen. As he cleaned up the dishes, he leaned over and pressed the button, listening to messages.

A woman: Hi, Frank. Do you mind if you could call me back? The press is having a field day and we need to talk.

"Who's that?" Mary said.

"My publicist." Frank said.

Charley's agent: Charley, do you get these calls, buddy? Godssake.

A man: Franklin, what's gotten into you? Why aren't you calling me back? We need to discuss the movie.

Frank reached over and deleted them all, turning off the sink and shaking his head.

"You and Charley got it right, I want a break from all this shit." Frank said. "No more art."

"I might start writing again." Mary said, "I feel if Charley and I are both not writing there's something off about the universe."

"Why did you stop writing?"

"I didn't feel like it anymore." Mary said, "I lost all interest."

"it was a good book."

"It was a damn good book." Mary said.

His face suddenly lit up, "Come on."

He led her to what must've been Charley's room, judging by the amount of plants and the pill bottles, and unzipped the typewriter and pushed it over to the center of the desk.

"He's not using it." Frank said.

Mary laughed, "Sometimes I'd stop by the Kringas/Garfield household when he wasn't there and I'd write him threatening little notes." She sat down and typed a line:

  
What day is tomorrow?

  
"I feel bad about typing on this when he had it all zipped up." Mary said.

Frank flicked the lights on and leaned over by her, reaching down and writing another line:

  
_Tomorrow is no different from today._

Mary laughed, "You're pretentious."

She typed another line:

  
_Tomorrow is so close._

  
Frank typed:

  
 _Tomorrow could be here sooner_.

  
She typed:

  
_We are tomorrow still._

  
Frank chuckled, "We're too old to be tomorrow."

"We can still be tomorrow." Mary said, "We just have to try a lot harder."

"Get out of our ways." Frank said. His hands were gripped around her shoulders.

"Old dogs can learn new tricks." Mary said.

Frank leaned down and kissed her and it was unreal. It didn't feel like she was awake, like an absurd dream. And Frank was a good kisser but, it still didn't feel right. Maybe he wasn't into it? Maybe she wasn't really into it? She didn't know. He seemed to be pretty into it. So she just relaxed and went along with it.

She pulled him close and with her other hand, unbuttoned her blouse. Next thing she knew, he was lugging her up, audibly grunting.  
I'm heavy I know. Then tossing her down on the bed, Charley's bed. Oh, what a story this will be tell.  
She found herself completely disinterested as Frank messed with her bra, instead staring at the pattern of the ceiling. He stopped, backing away.

"You alright?" He said. "Are you.. zoning out?"

"Sorry." she sat up.

"I.. understand." Frank said, "It's all familiar."

\---

Charley and Jonathan had found themselves at Jonathan's townhouse. It was a nice place. It had found the balance between modern and sensible, between luxury and normal.

"Do you want a drink, Charley?" Jonathan said. "I've got this great-"

"I can't drink." Charley said, "Medication."

"Oh, that's a shame." He said, crossing over to him with a drink in hand, "Feels good to have company."

"Do you not have company around? You seem like the type who would." Charley said.

"Well you get to my age, you lose a handful of friends, you don't have the charm to get new ones."

"Well, I find you quite charming." Charley said.

There was a plant by the door that was clearly being underwatered and Charley was trying not to get distracted by it.

"I find you equally as charming, in all your eccentricities." He said, leaning close, "Say, if we all live that long, care being my client for 20 more years?"

"I probably will be." Charley said.

Jonathan put a heavy arm around him. Charley felt a tinge of nerves raise, he wasn't sure exactly what it was that was happening.

"You're a pretty guy, Charley." Jonathan said, "I'm sure you get that a lot." Charley got what he was going at. He let it be.

"Why do you think that?" Charley said, trying not to smile. He liked compliments more than he'd ever admit.

"With that hair of yours." He said, "It goes in and out of fashion, curly hair, you always got it."

Charley chuckled, "I'm not a looker, I wouldn't want to be."

"Never said you were a looker." He laughed, "Neither am I."

"I don't know." Charley said, "You've got a strong jaw, nice eyes."

"Maybe I do." He said.

And the nerves got too high and Charley gasped, pushing him away. The room was spinning.

"Are you alright, Charley?" He said.

Charley held his head, trying to slow his breathing.  
 _Why are you hyperventilating? This is what you want! This is all you have._  
 _Charley pulled himself up, trying not to fall over._

"Woah, woah, sit down." He said, "You're swaying."

"Everything is.. " Charley grabbed a chair to try not to fall and fell anyways, knocking against the chair.

"Woah!" Jonathan said, kneeling down by him. "You alright? Are you okay?"

Charley nodded, closing his eyes. Even without his vision, he could see the room spin.

"Charley?!" His voice was full of panic. His hand on Charley's shoulder.

"I'm alright." Charley said. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright." He said, "Do you need a glass of water."

Charley pulled himself up and into the chair, shaking his head, "Give me a second… I need to go home."

"I'll drive you." He said.

"Thank you." Charley said.

_When's the next interview?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like writing long blocks of dialogue.


	7. Simple Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On an impulse, Frank makes a mistake. But it doesn't have to be a mistake. But it has to be a mistake, right? No one in their right mind would do it without it being a mistake.   
> Charley isn't a big fan of it.  
> Mary doesn't know how to feel.

Frank felt.. bad. He couldn't expand on the concept, but he just felt bad. It had been a rotten day. It was a rotten night. The news had all been rotten. Everything was bad and he felt bad and he couldn't figure out why he felt bad but he felt bad nonetheless! It was a stupid emotion! He wanted to go to sleep. But he didn't. 

It was 12:30 when Charley got home. Mary'd already left. Nothing much had happened. Frank saw him, out the corner of his eye, enter in, looking like he'd seen a ghost, and stand there by the door for a second, leaning against the wall.

"Hi, Charley." Frank said as he walked past.

Charley put a hand up to greet him or maybe to shut him up and then walked past. Frank went back to staring at the TV. A PSA played and Frank almost turned it off.

"WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF SOMEONE OFFERS YOU COCAINE?"

"Take it, that's a wonderful offer. Shits not cheap." Frank mumbled.

"SAY NO!"

Frank rolled his eyes and turned the TV off, pacing the living room for a bit. He was restless. He'd been restless for a while now. He was bored.

He felt bad.

He'd bother Charley.

When he opened Charley's door, Charley was hunched over the desk, thumb on the typewriter. He turned to face Frank and before he could say anything, collapsed. Frank stepped forward and grabbed him.

"Charley?!" Frank said.

A few moments passed, "I think I fainted." Charley said, gripping onto Frank as he steadied himself.

"are you alright?" Frank said.

"It's a side effect from the medications I'm on. That and, I don't know." Charley said, pulling himself up, wincing, "Mm and seemingly pain."

"Oh, Charley." Frank said, helping him up and down into the chair, "Want a glass of water?"

"No, I'm fine." Charley said, "I felt like shit all day, thought I was just being emotional." He laughed, "I'm tired of talking about me. How was your day?"

"It was alright." Frank said, "Meeting in the morning, spent the afternoon with Mary, spent the evening alone."

Charley hadn't taken this much interested in him in a while. Charley stood up and held onto the side of the chair for a second as he balanced himself, then sat on the end.

"No idea how I made it up the stairs." Charley said, "I'm so dizzy."

"You perplex me."

Frank took a seat on the bed next to him.

"My shrink said you and I need to have an open conversation." Charley said.

"At half past midnight?" Frank said.

"Better now than never." Charley said.

"Uhm." Frank said, "What are supposed to be open about?"

"How are you feeling?" Charley said.

"Sad." Frank said, "No. Not sad. Bad. I just.. feel bad."

"Why?" Charley said.

"I dunno." Frank said, "Sometimes I just feel bad."

"Everything has a reason." Charley said.

"Yeah, but sometimes I don't want to uncover that reason. I just want to sit and watch the news and eat junk and then sleep for a couple hours too many, then wake up a feel good again." Frank said. "It happens."

"Doesn't seem sustainable." Charley said.

"Well, I'll figure it out." Frank said, turning the light on, "How do you maneuver in here at night with all those pots on the ground?"

"I have it all memorized." Charley yawned, lying back.

"So, you and your agent went out?"

"He was trying to convince me to write again." Charley said. "Ended up in his townhouse. Where I more than would've stayed the night if I hadn't gotten so dizzy, if you catch my drift."

That made him feel even more bad. He leaned in closer to Charley.

"Oh?" Frank said.

"I knew he was gay, and I think he figured out that I was." Charley said, chuckling.

Frank crossed his arms and looked around the room. He felt bad. Extra bad. Charley made him feel bad.

"Mary was in here messing with your things." Frank said.

"I read the note she left." Charley said. "Tell her not to do that, I like my space."

"Alright." Frank said. "So with your agent-"

"I'll call him up tomorrow. Apologize. Maybe set something up. He's a nice man, my type too." Charley said, leaning his head on Frank's shoulder. "You'd like him."

"Would I?" Frank said. He felt horrible.

"Yeah." Charley said. "I probably shouldn't. He's my agent. Bad idea to make it anything more than professional."

"Definitely. It's a bad idea, Charley." Frank said.

"That's what I thought." Charley said.

"Charley, I feel bad." Frank said.

"Why?" Charley said.

"I don't know." Frank said, "I'm lonely."

"You've got Mary." Charley said.

"Mary's not interested in me." Frank said.

"Sure she is, Frank. " Charley said.

Frank could recall an event when he was still married to Beth. He'd been out with Gussie and Charley and Gussie's friends and while he'd snapped at Charley to get him to leave some two hours prior, he and Gussie stayed at her little apartment, laughing and talking.   
_Frank, I feel absolutely terrible._  
 _What's wrong?_  
 _Joe doesn't want me._  
 _Sure he does. Why would he marry you if he didn't want you?_  
 _He sure isn't here. no one wants me, Frank._  
 _I want you._  
And it made Frank feel terrible. He didn't even want it. He loved Beth, though she drove him crazy, he just didn't want Gussie to feel bad because that made him feel bad.   
He was doing it to Charley. He pulled away and looked down.

"Why am I doing this to you?" Frank said.

"What?" Charley said.

"I want to feel loved and so I'm trying to make you feel bad for me." Frank said, "You're not in the best state of mind. I'm being terrible."

"No you're not." Charley said, "What are you talking about?"

"Yes I am." Frank said, "I'm doing what Gussie did to me, you deserve better than that. So does Mary. My god.. "

Charley didn't say anything, just hugged him. For a second, Frank wanted to push him away and then he returned the hug and the two curled up around eachother.

"It's okay, Frank." Charley said, "You're being fine."

"Thank you." Frank said, "Don't let me do that to you. Please. Tell me off when I start getting like that. I'm trying to be better."

"Okay." Charley said. "I missed you. When I was in Cape Cod, I dreamt of you. Mary too but I dreamt of being around you a lot. I was hospitalized.. for my foot.. for a while and I scribbled so many things about you in that journal of mine."

"I missed you too, pal." Frank said, "I was worried you weren't going to come back."

"No, I have too many roots planted here to ever leave." Charley said, "I missed the kids' birthdays and I cried each time, Lorry told me not to call them. Said that it would be cruel to call them if I didn't know when I'd be back. It was a necessity for me to go there, but I missed my kids and you and Mary so much. When I got back and called Mary and she told me you were living here, I was so happy. I thought you would've died."

Frank felt bad again.

"Why would you think that?" Frank said.

"You downed a handful of librium the night before I left Frank." Charley said, "I shouldn't of left you at all. You were so fragile."

"But I ended up fine! " Frank said, "I was.. real angry you left but I was fine!"

"But what if you weren't? It's like when you were in college but instead of sitting with you that night, I went to bed. Except even then, I didn't just step away, I flew to Chicago! "

"I-"

"And I know you're going to say 'that's not the same' but it is to me. You can act like you just like taking shit tons of librium, but how is that any different than what you did in college? Either way we were stupid for not bringing you to a hospital. Either way you should've seen a shrink." Charley was absolutely panicking.

"Charley, I don't remember what you're talking about." Frank said, "In college, what do you mean?"

"How do you not remember? I had to struggle that away from you? I still remember it. I still vividly remember it, Frank, like everything else." Charley said.

Frank knew what he was talking about suddenly. It hit him hard and he winced from the memory. It wasn't a good one. Frank had tried to forget it. He didn't bring it up with Charley after it happened. He didn't bring it up with Beth or Gussie or Mary or even his psychiatrist.  
It was:  
Charley had only recently moved in. Frank had broken up with a girlfriend and he and Charley had been arguing and Frank had grabbed a bottle of aspirin and threatened to down it all and Charley'd turned from angry to freaking out within minutes, tackling him and taking it away from him. Frank knew he went too far. Frank wasn't sure if he'd even been serious. And Charley was in tears, begging him not to. Eventually they just sat on the sofa, Charley's gripped around Frank, not letting him move, both upset. Charley tried to convince him to see a psychiatrist, that he'd find a way to help him pay for a psychiatrist and Frank said no and they went back to normal by the next day.  
He'd presumed Charley'd forgotten about it.

"I was seeing a shrink. I still I am. tommorow morning, in fact." Frank said. "I'm good now, I'm great."

"You are now-- but what if you aren't? What if you feel bad forever? What if I don't stop you again?" Charley said. "I'm scared, Frank. I'm scared of our lives. All of us. You, Mary, and I. We must be doing something, I don't know what it is, for this type of thing to follow is around."

"What do you mean?"

"We make eachother worse." Charley said, "Jesus, I make you act like Gussie, I enable Mary's drinking."

"You don't-"

"And you make me scared and Mary makes me unhinged- and Mary let's you get away with all your shit and so do I! No wonder we're so miserable! No wonder this keeps happening, like it always has, we shouldn't be friends." He stood up, stumbling and grabbing a sweatshirt, pulling it on, "I shouldn't even be here. I shouldn't be around people like this. I love you both so much."

"Then- what? are you leaving?"

"Yes." Charley said.

"Why? Are you leaving because you love us?"

"Because I'm hurting you!" Charley said, packing a bag.

"Charley, you're not supposed to leave unless you have some place to go. Isn't that what we-"

"I'll go to my brother's." Charley said.

"That's an hour and a half away!" Frank said, "You've been fainting! Charley sit back down! You're gonna hurt yourself!"

"I go to Evelyn's then." Charley said.

"I don't think she wants you there." Frank said, anger was bubbling.

"Well, I don't want to be here." Charley said, "I'll find some place."

"You're doing it again!" Frank said, standing up and grabbing his shoulder, "You said you wouldn't leave in my time of need, just a bit ago, and here you are."

"Well, I was completely wrong." Charley said, "I need to leave."

"I'm begging you." Frank said, stepping in front of the door.

Charley pushed past him into the hall and Frank followed.

"Charley, come on." Frank said, "I don't understand how you can change so rapidly."

Charley snatched the cane and Frank grabbed his arm again.

"Okay, okay, stop." Frank said, "You know what my psychiatrist said? He said I have a fear of abandonment. And so if I feel like someone's going to leave, I kick them out of my life before they can."

Charley didn't struggle, "Then kick me out of your life!"

"Charley, please!" Frank said, "Just sit and stir on it."

"The longer I stay here, the worse I get!"

Frank pulled him over to the piano.

"Let's- let's play a song, Charley." Frank said, "Come on, stay for that."

Charley pulled free and walked off.

Frank followed after to him. Officially angry, he once again stepped in front of the door.

"You can't leave." Frank said, "You can't."

"I have to." Charley said.

"You can't leave! I won't let you! You can't!" Frank said.

"Frank, stop it!" Charley said.

"It's bad for you and it's bad for me- don't you care about me at the least? At the very least? Just a little bit." Frank said. "I know you do. I know you do!"

"Franklin, move!" Charley said.

There was a knock on the door and Frank jumped from the suprise. Charley took a few steps back and Frank opened the door. It was their neighbor, Ruth.

"We've got thick walls but not thick enough for screaming at 1 in the morning-" then she stopped, "Is everything alright?"

Charley stepped past her, "We're fine. We were.. rehearsing a play."

Frank tried not to cry and simply nodded, "We're alright."

"Artists..." She sighed, "Not so late, please."

"We're sorry." Charley said.

"I was worried it was a domestic disturbance." She said.

"No." Frank said, "Its just one of Charley's new plays- right, Charley? I never formally introduced you two. Charley, I mentioned your name to her, this is uh-- Ruth?"

Charley shook her hand, "Charles Kringas."

"I know who you are. I've been to many of your plays." She said, "Well, we're all up now. Might I come in? I've been looking to talk to you both."

Frank glared at Charley. Charley nodded and sighed.

"Come on in." Charley said, following behind her as she did.

Frank made a pot of coffee, giving a cup to all three of them, as they sat in the living room. Charley was still scared or angry or whatever it was, the bag still hung over his shoulder.

"So, I've been looking for two writers for a musical that I conceptualized back in the late 40s. I used to write myself, but ah, the joys marriage and raising children cut into my time and I'm out of practice. I'd like to commission you two."

"I'd love to." Frank said.

"I'm not writing anymore." Charley said.

"I can recommend a different writer." Frank said, "She's a one time novelist but fantastic all around."

"She doesn't write plays." Charley said.

"You could help her with that." Frank said, smiling.

"oh, what's this novelists name?" She said.

Frank stood up and grabbed her book off the shelf, "Mary L. Flynn."

"Oh, I've read that." She said, "You know her?"

"I'm going to marry her." Frank said, a slight exaggeration, but nonetheless. He wanted to write this musical. He wanted Charley to help write it. If Mary was there, if Mary was involved, Charley'd stick by.

"You could write it together, Charley." Frank said, "You just give her pointers. It'll just as good as him writing it alone."

"Mary doesn't do lyrics." Charley said, "And we should run this past her."

"I'll give her a call."

"we'll see you tomorrow, Ruth-"

"Mary's Probably more than willing to come down here." Frank said, grabbing the phone and dialing her number, "She doesn't sleep much."

"You could do the lyrics, she could write the book." Ruth said.

Charley sighed.

Mary answered, "Mm what do you want?"

"Mary, could you come down here? I need you." Frank said.

"Its one in the morning, Frank."

"Even better, come on. We need you."

She sighed, "Fine. This better be important."

Frank hung up, "She'll be here, 10-15 minutes."

"Wonderful." Charley said.

"Is it a secret that you're going to marry her?" Ruth said.

"Apparently." Charley said.

"Yes." Frank said, "Don't mention it to her."

"Adorable." Ruth said.

"Third divorces are always the cutest." Charley said.

"Keep running your mouth, Charley, and you won't be my best man." Frank laughed, "Ruth, tell me, did we wake you up?"

"No." Ruth said, "I'm quite the insomniac."

"You and Charley alike." Frank said.

"Believe me, I could very easily sleep." Charley said. "I think we should discuss this tommorow, Ruth, I'd like for my agent to be present."

"Mary's already on her way." Frank said.

"Its odd to be in the room with two of the most impactful people artistically of the past 25 years." Ruth said. "You're both what? 40 something now? You're the age of my youngest son. Yet you've done so much more."

"Debatably so." Charley said.

There was a knock on the door and Frank got up, opening it and drawing Mary in close. First to kiss her, knowing Charley could see then to whisper to her.

"Play along with me. This is serious but we'll all dicuss it privately tommorow."

She greeted Charley and sat next to Frank. Mary looked tired, wearing a jacket over her nightgown, her hair messy.

"This is Ruth." Frank said.

"I want your help to write to a musical." Ruth said.

"I'm a one time novelist." Mary said. "not a playwright or a lyricst. I don't write anymore."

"Charles here deal with the lyrics, and help you with the book." Ruth said.

Charley rolled his eyes. Mary looked over at him then up at Frank, then clenched her jaw and smiled.

"Alright." She said Through her teeth.

"I have a thorough concept." Ruth said, "About three women, one of which kills her husband, and the other two of which are running from the police. It's about her joining them."

"Wonderful." Charley said.

"Sounds like fun." Mary said, "I'd be glad to be apart of the project."

"Oh, fantastic." Ruth said, "And Mr. Shepard?"

"I've wanted to compose another musical for a very long time." Frank said.

"It's getting late, Ruth." Charley said, "Why don't we all sleep on this. Talk tomorrow."

"Well alright." Ruth said. "I'd best be going." She stood and started heading to the door.

Something compelled Frank and he turned to Mary.

"Will you marry me?' he said.

Ruth froze. Charley held his head. Mary looked at him.

"Uhm?" Mary said.

Charley looked back at up and raised his eyebrows. Frank made eye contact with Mary, then glanced over at Ruth. She nodded.

"Sure-" Mary said, "Yes, yes, of course."

"Aww." Ruth said.

Charley was silent.

"You know." Ruth said, "I have a nice bottle of champagne in my fridge, let me go grab it." Ruth left.

"What was that?" Mary said. "What's happening?"

"It's a way to sell this deal, isn't it?" Charley said, "Jesus Christ."

"If we're engaged to be married, it makes the writing partnership look stronger, Mary." Frank said.

Mary was still standing where she was. Confused, horrified.

"Then you probably should've married Charley years ago." Mary said.

Charley snorted.

"So this is real?" Mary said.

"Yes, but again, we'll discuss it together tomorrow." Frank said.

Frank looked at Mary.

"Well I-" Mary said. "I-"

Charley laughed, or maybe it was a grumble, and left the room, sorta stumbling. He was still dizzy. He returned around the same time as Ruth did with the champagne and glasses.

Ruth popped the cork and poured them each a glass. Charley went to Frank and pulled him close. He took a ring out of his pocket.

"This was Evelyn's, once upon a time, I was going to sell it but why not let the real love birds have it." Charley whispered. He was very angry.

"Thanks." Frank said, pulling Mary, who was drinking champagne like it was water in a desert, back over, "Got a ring."

Mary's eyes lit up, "Wait- wait- you planned this? I thought it was JUST some business ploy-"

Charley didn't say anything, color draining from his face.

"I thought this was a joke." Mary said. She was.. geniunely excited. She put it on and threw her arms around Frank.

Ruth's eyes widened, "Beautiful."

Frank realized exactly what he'd done. He returned the embrace and held back panic. She thought-- It was a-- Oh dear god.

Charley stood up, "I think I have an instant camera somewhere. Capture this lovely moment." Every word dripped with sarcasm.  
Frank knew exactly what Charley wanted him to say. Yet, Charley hadn't screamed at him to stop the whole event before it went this far. It was too late now, wasn't it?

Charley returned and took a polaroid of the Mary and Frank, light flashing. Ruth sat aside, cooing and even tearing up. Charley sat back down, tapping glasses with Ruth.

"How much alcohol is in this?" Charley asked.

"Not much." She said.

"Good. One glass won't kill me then."

Charley downed his glass like a shot of liquor.

Frank and Mary sat across from them, Mary still stunned. Charley's eyes Intense, they all laughed and talked and finished the bottle. Ruth left around two.   
Mary still looked estatic. It wasn't like Mary. She kept grabbing Frank and hugging him and fiddling with the ring, bright eyed. Charley went from angry to just having this dull look in his eyes, it wasn't anger it was disgust.  
And seeing Mary happy made Frank wonder if this was fine. If he could go through with it. If it WAS more than just something to help with the writing deal.

"I hate to pull you two away from eachother." Charley said, "But, Frank come into the kitchen with me."

They stepped into the kitchen, Charley gripping onto the counter.

"Why are you doing this to her?" Charley said, "I'm sorry I tried to leave but you don't have to drag Mary into a web of lies to keep her by- I won't leave, Frank, I swear, just don't lie to her."

"why'd you bring me the ring?" Frank said.

"I- I thought that seeing the ring would show you exactly what you just said to her. Show you the ramifications of this." Charley said.

"It's just an engagement." Frank said, "We can be engaged for years."

"she won't want that- she- she's lonely, Frank. She's never been married. The clock is ticking, she geniunely wants to marry you. I can see it on her face." Charley said, "No, we're terrible."  
  
"Then I'll marry her." Frank said. "We've been friends since college, I could marry a friend- Charley, I'm sure she'll get what I was going at. She's smart and we've only been dating for a week. She'll understand exactly what this is."

"You need to make it crystal clear to her that this is just part of dating you and that it's a business ploy and that you didn't magically fall head over heels in a week. Because she's been in love with you for 20 goddamn years, Frank and- and- this is like a fairytale to her." Charley's words were so exact, he was surprisingly calm.

"She's got it." Frank said, leaning close to him, "She knows me. Relax."

"This is exactly what I was talking about when I said we're all bad for eachother." Charley said, "Oh, goddammit."

"Mary's smart, you're being condescending to her." Frank said, "Come on, you think highly of her! don't you? You know that she knows what's going on. She's just happy that I'm matching her level of love for me- right? In her way."

"Have you really fallen that far in love with her?" Charley said.

"No. But it will come eventually. And she's funny and smart and my best friend and she's good looking enough too and- and I- don't know! Everything will work out fine, I've got it all under control." Frank poured himself another cup of coffee, "And now we're all going to go uh- uh- out. Somewhere. On a drive."

"Why?" Charley said.

"So- so we can think. We can talk about it. It's already tomorrow." Frank said, drinking it and gagging on the bitterness, "You two are the same size. Borrow her some street clothes."

"I bet I have a sweater that'll fit her." Charley sighed, "You're gonna lay this out to her in simple words right?"

"I've got it figured out, Char. Go, go." Frank said.

\---

Mary couldn't believe it. It felt fake. It was a dream. It must've been a dream. She kept pinching herself to make sure it was real. It was. It was very real. This is how she'd imagined it. How she imagined being with Frank would go. Not how Frank had been doing it before. This is what she wanted. She wanted to be married and she wanted to be Frank's wife. She didn't care if she was desired. She just wanted to feel like his wife. She wasn't interested in being his girlfriend. She was interested in being his wife. That's why she'd felt so rotten about it. She hadn't idolized him, he was actually how she dreamed.

And it was soon but she was happy and she knew it was crazy but she was happy and she'd only had a couple of glasses of champagne and she was happy.

Charley was digging through his closet, trying to find something for her to wear. Mary and Charley were about the same height, but Charley was thin and Mary wasn't. Luckily for her, other than formalwear, he liked to wear shirts that we were a size too big. They'd swapped many a sweater and Mary'd even given him a skirt that was too small back in the day, he'd never been too shy about enjoying the more feminine side of life.   
He tossed her a pair of sweat pants. He was thinner and had longer legs so that was probably the only thing he had that would fit her. She pulled them on under the nightgown.  
He pulled out a sweater and tossed it at her.

"That's nice." Charley said, "Do you think it'll fit?"

Mary took off her blouse and pulled it on.

"Gosh, Mary, tell me to turn first." Charley said.

"You've seen my tits before, Charley, shush." Mary said, "It's good."

Charley nodded, "Good."

Mary had another fit of giddy laughter and sorta jumped, "Oh my god, Charley."

"What?" Charley said.

"This- are you sure he's serious about this? I mean… I mean… He said it makes us look stronger as writers and- I am a pessimist and I feel-" she suddenly felt a tinge of anger, "Is he fucking with me?"

Charley's brows knit and he reached to her, they hugged "No. No. He's just crazy, you know. Impulsive. I guess you really must've won him over."

"I didn't even think- I thought that I wasn't in love with him this afternoon, I thought that it was all some misguided infauation but- but I do think that I'm in love with him again, Charley." Mary said.

Charley chuckled, "Yeah?"

"I'm gonna stop being cynical." Mary said, "Oh, Charley, I feel 25 again- Thank you, Charley."

"Why are you thanking me?" Charley said.

"You brought Frank here. You fixed this all, Charley." Mary said, "You wanted me to forgive you, well you've gotten that now, Charley."

"you've got bees in your brain." Charley said, pulling away.

"What does that mean?"

"You haven't thought this through." Charley said, gripping onto the desk, "Isn't it just a little weird that he proposed to you when a stranger who wants us to write something for them was sitting right next to you? And he straight up said it was to help make it look like a deal that'll go through?"

"But the ring, Charley." Mary said, "Whatever the reason, Charley, I don't care. I've been alone for so along, I don't care if he did it just so he can murder me. I want it, Charley."

"I just don't want him to break your heart." Charley said, "And.. and you're so blinded, Mary."

"Well, if I want to call it off, I can and will! But I don't!" Mary said, letting her temper flair, "Alright?! Come on."

The two left the room, Charley mumbling something and really leaning on the cane. He'd grabbed all his bottles of pills and stuffed them into his coat pocket. Frank stood by the door, eyes bright.

"We'll go to Newport." Frank said, "I have a friend there who owes me a favor. Get a nice room, you too Charley."

"No, I presumed you invited me along to leave me in the car like a dog." Charley said.

"Well we can do that." Frank said.

"If we're comparing you to a dog, we're leaving in the countryside." Mary said.

"Well, okay. But you'll have to explain to my kids what happened to their father."

"Sweetie, we brought Charley out to the countryside where he can run around with other Charleys for the rest of his life."

"Remember Frank, aim for the head." Charley said.

"I don't know what you two are talking about." Frank said as they got to the car.

"Neither do we." Charley said, "I'm delirious from exhaustion."

"You're just normally pretty delirious." Mary said.

Charley held opened the passenger for her, "I'm not on 7 medications to be labeled normally delirious."

Mary laughed and got in.

20 minutes later they were driving. Charley was sound asleep in the back seat. Frank was still giddy, focused on the road and grinning, and Mary... Mary felt it hit her.

_This was all a big joke._   
_No one would ever want to marry you._   
_Frank's just desperate and greedy._   
_But you're gonna marry him anyways and you're gonna be happy and he'll probably cheat on you and you'll know but because it's Frank, you'll never call him out on it. You can't bring yourself to ever call him out on it… unless you're hammered._   
_Why'd Charley bring him back to New York?_   
_Why'd you keep letting it happen?_   
_You saw how he treated every other woman in his life. You saw how much a greedy son of a bitch he was. You said you'd never talk to him again._   
_And now you're engaged to him._   
_Frank had been an excuse, a reason to never settle down. A way to cope when a man tossed her aside._   
_You were a very stupid 25 year old._   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frank never changes.


	8. Bent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Rhode Island, Mary and Charley have a terrible realization.

The suite was promise. Frank had a connection to the owner, gave them a free suite for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Only one, Charley was just going to have to sleep on the couch.   
They'd gotten there early that morning and giddy as they all were, they'd slept for a while. Charley was out on the balcony, staring off, when Mary woke up and he denied to do anything but sit and stare at the water, even when Frank said they were all going to go out.

Frank liked to throw money at things. That was for sure. He bought Mary some fancy dress and an ugly hat that she gave to Charley (who was still sitting at staring when they got back)

"Charley, come out to eat with us." Frank said.

"I want to go home." Charley said.

"Well you can't." Frank said, "Come on. This is all on my dime, who are you to turn down a free meal?"

"I'm not going to eat." Charley said, " And I'm not going to leave unless we're going back to New York."

Mary shook her head and sat next to him, "You were doing so good, Charley."

"You're both being crazy!" Charley said, "Acting like teenagers."

"we're having fun." Mary said. "Its a rarity for people like us."

"this is irresponsible." Charley said, "Frank, how would you feel if Frankie did this? You'd think it was ridiculous."

"When did you lose your sense of adventure, Charley?" Frank said.

"Frank, I don't like being in a situation like this. I like being consistent and stable and okay."

"You're fine!" Frank said. "Mary, I'll be in the car." And Frank turned and left and Mary stood to follow.

"Mary, wait." Charley said. "You can't go through you with this. You need to tell him to stop. You need to take a step back and realize exactly what you're doing, buddy. This is- this is not how people act. I don't know what's up with him, but I do know that this isn't you. You're blinded by- by something."

"I feel great, Charley." Mary said, "Come on."

"No." Charley said, "I can't, I can't play along."

"You would be all for this just a while ago, Charley." Mary said, "Therapy doesn't make you a grouch."

"Just go." Charley said, "Mary, if you want to be married so bad, I would marry you. It would be just as loveless but way less traumatizing than him."

"This what I want, Charley." She grit her teeth and looked him in the eyes.

"no, its not." Charley said, "This is what your lonely, desperate, unhappy, brain wants. Mary, I recognize how you are acting, I know how it is-- especially with Frank--"

"I'm not you!" Mary said, "Yeah I've been depressed in my life Charley, but I'm not you. I'm not… I'm not you."

"You're taking Frank to excess." Charley said.

"Good thing you're here to keep me in line." Mary said, patting him on the shoulder, "We'll bring you back something to eat, how about that?"

"I'm not hungry." Charley said.

Mary grunted, "You burn me out, Charley." Mary went out to the car.

"No Charley?" Frank said as she got in.

"He's being a brat." Mary said, "He gets all stubborn and bitchy, its annoying."

"You think I don't know?" Frank said, " I called Ruth this morning, got our full synopsis. I told her were going on a brainstorming bender."

"Genius." Mary said, "So are we?"

"Mary, have you ever snorted cocaine before?" Frank said.

"That's.. a very weird question. Matters, are you a cop?" Mary said.

Frank blinked, "No."

"Yes." Mary said, "Once, with Evelyn and Charley."

Frank nodded, "I got a connection with the best you can get."

"So that's our plan?" Mary said. "I thought we were going to grab dinner snd then go back and piss Charley off."

"Well we can." Frank said, "But since I got a connection... oh, wait, he said he's got a party going on tomorrow. We could eat tonight, feel good tomorrow."

"I feel good now." Mary said.

Frank smiled, "Good."

They ate a mediocre meal and then returned. Charley was sitting exactly where he had been, staring out.

"You're going to both end up hurt." Charley said.

"I'm gonna hurt you if you don't shut your trap." Mary said.

"I think that's how he shows love." Frank said, "Take your pills yet, Charley? You look miserable."

"I am miserable." Charley said.

"So you didn't?" Frank laughed.

"You're both awful." Charley said. "I can expect it from Frank, but Mary- Mary come on."

"Just be nice, Charley." Mary said, "Then we won't be awful."

"This situation is awful." Charley said.

Frank took a seat next to him and put an arm around him. Mary sat on the other side and did the same.

"Don't touch me." Charley said.

Frank put his other arm around him. Mary let go.

"FRANK, I said don't touch me." Charley said.

"You're in a bad mood." Frank said.

"just don't fucking touch me!" Charley said.

"Frank, leave him alone." Mary said.

Frank let go and stood up, "Fine."

Charley brought his knees to his chest and leaned away from Mary.

"Oh, Charley." Mary said, "You're a lot. You're a lot."

"This is crazy. I must've finally snapped. None of this is real." Charley said.

Frank rolled his eyes, "Just relax, Charley. We've talked. You know the deal."

"I don't know anything." Charley said.

"Frank." Mary said, "Maybe we should call him a cab."

"That's a while away." Frank said.

"What if we call Danny?" Mary said, looking at Charley.

"No." Charley said, "He'll accept that I'm crazy. That I've snapped. None of this is real."

"We could call his agent." Frank said, laughing. "He might be willing to come down here."

Mary laughed, "Terrible."

"You're all terrible." Charley said. "Look at yourselves. Mary you know that this isn't how people act."

"You're not acting like a person, that's true." Mary said.

Charley just cackled, "Its all going to burn up."

\---

_I hate Franklin Shepard. I hate that I'm writing this on the back of a napkin because it was all I could find. I hate that I got two hours of sleep last night. I hate that I haven't eaten anything in almost 2 days. I hate that Frank thinks its some radical statement against he and Mary's engagement, when I actually just am too nervous to eat. I hate that I'm too nervous to eat. I hate that I don't know why._   
_I hate that I'm having a nervous breakdown._   
_I hate Rhode island. I hate that I'm sleeping on the couch of the suite tonight because there were no other rooms. I hate that I'm missing a psychiatrist appointment. I hate that really need to see my shrink._   
_I hate that I'm stuck here because I cannot drive._   
_I hate that Frank and Mary are engaged and he still hasn't said anything to her about it._   
_I hate that none of this feels real._   
_I hate that I have no one to come get me._   
_I hate that I do. I hate that it's my brother and he'll freak out if he learns I'm out here._   
_I hate that Mary and Frank look so happy._   
_I hate that I hate that!_   
_I hate that I'm aware that it won't last because I'm a bitter man that can never hope for the best._   
_I hate that I have another person to call._   
_I hate that it's my ex-wife._   
_I hate that I'm in so much pain that walking is like getting hit by a car._   
_I hate that I'm not doing anything to relieve that pain._   
_I hate how fast Mary and Frank walk._   
_I hate that I'm dizzy and nauseated and constantly leaning on everything I find._   
_Most of all I hate Frank._   
_I can't stand how he is. I can't stand that I'm here for Mary, but that I'm really here for him. I hate that I am still friends with him after all this shit, after all this garbage, and if I wasn't I'd still be here because I can't do this to Mary._   
_I want to call someone. Someone who will understand._

\--

Alone in the suite, Charley dialed a number and called Beth.

"Elizabeth-"

"Elizabeth, hi." Charley said.

"Charles? No that- is this Charles?"

"Hi, Beth. I'm out of people to call."

"Why would you call me? Why would you-"

"I am trapped here. I am stuck. I'm certain I'm going to die."

"You have some nerve!"

"Maybe he'll kill me and she'll kill me or I'll kill me. "

"I don't want to speak-"

"I must be dying, Beth, right? To call you. You like Mary, but I was always crazy. And we never got along. Your politics are the opposite of mine. We're quite the opposite, in every way except that we're both so damn nervous. And I'm trapped here and all I could think to call is Beth. Beth.. when she last saw me at her son's graduation she wouldn't look me in the eyes. Who's husband cleared his throat and asked why I was there. Then you saw Mary and it was all alright. I'm dying, Beth. I'm certain that I'm dying."

"Charley-"

"He's dragged me out to Rhode Island with her, Mary, and I'm going to die here, I can feel it. And you know, there was only one other person who knows what he is like and it's someone who I will not even say name of because I'm sure you're seeing her name enough at the checkout line. And I'm going to die here and I had to know that there was someone out here who understood before I do. "

She hung up. Charley paced the suite some more.

Mary and Frank returned two hours later. It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense.

"How would you feel if I left?" Charley said.

"Good luck with that. " Frank said. "Come on, we're going out."

"I don't want to leave."

"Well you are anyways." Frank said.

 _Wonderful_.

They stood in a crowded house. It was a big house. There were lots of people here.

_Frank, you're already moving on? How funny is that._

_Love happens_.

_Franklin, Ms. Flynn, you're a gorgeous couple._

Frank and Charley sat on the balcony-- _no it was the roof_ \-- Mary somewhere else. Frank talked about the sunset, going on and on about it. And the other people started going in for some reason and Frank pulled him close and kissed him. That was 57. And Charley had forgotten how much he missed him.

Frank left Charley alone at a party. On the sofa. And there was anxiety rising and he was about to start crying because he couldn't stand these people and it was pathetic but Frank had just left him here and no one gave a shit and he'd sung for them and heaps of praise had been thrown at him. That was 63. And as Charley was crying, trying not to show that he was crying, Beth had found him and was sitting next to him, staring at him like he was a freak. Frank eventually found them both and pulled Charley to the side. _Calm down, what's wrong with you? Can't we just have just one normal goddamn night. What do you have to be upset about? People loved us!_

Charley escaped to the bathroom. There was already someone in there, snorting lines on the counter of the big sink. Charley push past him and closed the door, locking it.  
The lights were so bright.

_You look fucked buddy._

_Yeah, man? I feel fucked._

_On me? You're looking like you could use a bit._

_Sure. Thanks. I'll pay you if I have to, shit isn't cheap._

_Nah, I like being generous._

_(The fuck does that mean?)_   
_Snort a few lines, hope to God you can feel something._

The guy left. Charley locked the door again for a while then unlocked it and sat in the bathtub. Charley couldn't handle stimulants, he knew that. He'd have a panic attack in a few minutes, when they really set in. Someone came in and did a few lines. So did a few more. After that group left he locked the door again, he was hyperventilating. Count to ten and back. _1._  
 _2._  
 _3._  
 _45678910109_  
 _8.7.6.5.4.3.2.1._  
It Didn't help.   
He felt like his heart was going to explode.   
He unlocked the door and sat back in the bathtub.  
He left when a real big group came in.   
He'd done his fair share of stimulants. And usually they only minorly changed his state of mind from what it already was (considering he usually wasn't the most leveled when he chose to consume illegal substances) or they made him like this. He found the crowds again and sat down on the stairs, tapping his foot. He kept trying to spot Mary or Frank but neither. He didn't see either of them.  
Someone grabbed his hair. He looked up. Mary. She sat next to him.

_He's wandered off somewhere._

_That's Frank._

_Mind if I sit here with you? you sound angry_.

_I don't care Mary._

Mary was messing with his hair again. It sucked. Charley didn't want to get touched but it was fine.

She stopped.

 _I'm going to find Frank_.

_You do that, dear._

The crowd. Or the Blob. He hated calling them that. That was Gussie's thing. They never looked like a blob to him. They were a square, or a rectangle. Expanding in every direction. Covered in eyes. They were people. But they were squares too.   
_Whenever I'm with Frank, my mental health takes a nosedive._  
 _Oh for fucks sake who gives a shit._

 _Wait till you crash._  
 _I've crashed within 20 minutes._  
 _It's like it was in Baltimore: take whatever you're offered._  
 _Smoked something weird with some woman who kept calling you sport. It didn't do much._  
 _Snorted another line. Waited for that to crash._  
 _Took a handful of something._  
 _Went with a bunch of strangers to a different big house._  
 _Mary and Frank nowhere to be seen. Fuck them._  
 _Smoked some pot with said strangers in the basement._  
 _Overstayed my welcome._  
 _Offered to blow the guy so you won't have to go back to that God awful suite._  
 _He doesn't take you up on it, but he does offer you his number "in case I'm ever curious". Took it and left._  
 _You're quite the player, Charley, you've got a good collection of numbers tonight_.

_You're a piece of shit._

Charley found himself back at the original house, dizzy and nauseated still. He felt worse on every level than he had in quite a while. He stood out on the balcony.   
Thought of his kids so he could resist the urge to throw himself over it.

_It's 3 am and you're acting like a child. Who are you? To be 41 and doing drugs like a 21 year old. Fucking pathetic. They're pathetic. If they want to act like children, with their rushed engagements, and their lack of judgment, and their parties and the hotels and so on, it's their right._   
_You don't have to play along._

_I won't play along, Frank, you too, Mary. I'm out. I'm out of here and I'm out of this horrible, horrible, friendship. I want to be happy. If I'm around you, I will never be happy. I've got four kids that need to have a happy father. I have family that needs to have a happy brother and a happy son. And neither one of you are worth sacrificing that. Nothing is worth sacrificing that. Franklin Shepard, I hate you. Mary, I hope you find some sense in you because if you don't soon, he's going to ruin your life. And you know what, its probably too late even if you gained some sense now. Because he will forever remain with you, he will forever haunt your thoughts and your dreams and you'll analyze every thought of yours and every action, trying to figure out what went wrong. And do you know what was really wrong? Sometimes it'll be you, but most the time it'll be Frank. Franklin Shepard is what's wrong._

_And Frank was in that crowd, like he always was. And Mary was trying to pull you down as Frank stared at you like you deserved. Except, unlike the other times with the bright light, this time he just looked sad._   
_He helped Mary get you down and she and him physically restrained you, shoving you into the bathroom with them, Frank locking the door._

_And Frank started yelling, through tears and Mary just sat there, watching. And you went to the bathtub and turned the shower on, sitting down in the water and blocking out Frank's sobbing with the sound of water. You were very cold._

_Why would you say that?_   
_I thought you loved me. You kept saying you loved me. That you regretted 73._

_He's on something, Frank. Look at his eyes._

_His eyes are normal._

_And you looked up, and you stood up and you stepped out of that shower, dripping, and you got close to Frank and you tried to say something but he just put his arms around you and hugged you tight, and he's angry and he's sad and you are angry._

_God, Charley, I hate you so much. I hate you so much. I hate you._

_And he got angry and he almost hit you but Mary grabbed his arm. And you had another panic attack right there, on the bathroom of some stranger._   
_And then you called Evelyn, from this stranger's phone and two hours passed them you left._

\--

Charley Kringas was gone. He'd left. He'd finally left. He was gone. Frank had spent 2 hours crying into Mary's chest in the bathroom. And she'd just sorta, stared out in horror. And then they'd gone back to the suite and sat there in silence for a while, till Mary went to the sliding door and closed the blinds.

"He'll come back." Frank said, "Not here.. but he's probably at home, tending to his plants."

"You know, Frank..." Mary said, then she bit her lip and smacked the table, "Goddammit."

"He will." Frank said, "He was wrong. Everything he said was wrong- yeah it's wasn't the most serious proposal but- but he was- but I love you- I have to love you. I love you, Mary."

"Stop." Mary said, "Just stop it. You're pathetic! You're- he- God. I don't know why I even said yes- I'm not stupid, Frank. I'm not some rebound. I was in love with you. I was MADLY in love with you- and you swept me off my feet.. but I gotta be grounded, Frank. I gotta- I just- Holy shit. You're still you. You don't change, you stay the same you just wear a shirt- metaphorically."

"Mary." Frank said, "Please."

"It was a mistake letting you into my apartment that night." Mary said, "Charley ruined my life by bringing you back with him. I can't be here anymore. Not with you. Not by Charley. You're both… just the worst. Screw you, Franklin Shepard."

"Mary." Frank said.

Mary turned and left, too quick for Frank to follow out the door and he tried to follow her down the halls of the hotel but by the time he got to the lobby, she was already on the phone with someone. She was going to leave.

 _Like Charley._  
 _Like Beth._  
 _Like Gussie._  
 _Like Mom._  
 _Like everyone else._  
 _Its exactly what you deserve_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Overgiving, Frank didn't really get a chance to be forced to confront how his actions impact others. He should've. And now he gets that!


	9. Epilogue 1: Charley

"Are you on something, Charley?" Evelyn said as they drove, "I know you are, but I'd like to hear your answer."

"I was on many things." Charley said, "I think I've sobered up enough though. Why'd you come? When I asked? You had no need, we're not married, we're not friends. I'm Nothing. "

"I could tell something was very wrong." Evelyn said, "And I didn't want my kids to live the rest of their lives without a father. I told them that I was going out to meet a friend and that they're responsible enough to know what to do."

Charley nodded, "Wonderful."

"Is Mary alright?" Evelyn said, "I can only presume that she was with you."

"She's gonna die." Charley said, "Frank will drain of everything she has."

"Do we need to go back?" Evelyn said.

"Let her rot." Charley said, "We're all plants, Evelyn. We're all plants and we're all gardeners. And we depend on eachother and the sun and the will of universe and we're all part of the universe, and I have been being too much of it."

"We can't just let our friend rot." Evelyn said.

"She's gotta figure it out by herself." Charley said, "And if she isn't crazy, she will. I was crazy and I didn't figure it out until someone pulled me up out of my hole, but I figured it out for myself."

"Yeah?" Evelyn said.

"I'd rather have no friends then ones I don't like." Charley said, "I don't want friends at all. Its too late."

"Whatever you say, Charley." Evelyn said.

And he was asleep 15 minutes later.


	10. Epilogue 2: Mary

"I'm sorry for making you come out here." Mary said.

"Its fine, Aunt Mary." Frankie said, "I can skip my morning lecture."

"This your car?" Mary said.

"No." Frankie said, "My roommate's. Told him it was an emergency."

"I'll pay for you to fill it up." Mary said, "How's college doing?"

"It's great." Frankie said.

"That's great." Mary said, "You're a good kid."

"Well if I learned one thing, it's that you always gotta come through for those in need." Frankie said.

"Just remember." Mary said, "Might be yourself. You gotta do that too."

"Yeah." Frankie said, "So.. did my dad not want me to see me?"

"No. " Mary said, "I'm sure he would've loved to see you. But you deserve better than that, tonight."

"Why do you say that?" Frankie said.

"He's.. he's not been the best man. " Mary said, "To you, to me, to your uncle Charley, to your sister."

"My sister?"

"Her name is Murial Shepard Royce. and he's left her in LA with her mother." Mary said, "And he will never tell you. So I have to."

Frankie went silent and Frankie remained that way for the rest of the ride back.


	11. Epilogue 3: Frank

Frank pulled the car over to the side of the road.

_You are completely alone._


End file.
